filmtoaster
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American Beauty

I guess this movie's like non-fiction now, right guys?

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Michael Lives: The Making of Halloween

Easily one of the best movie making documentaries ever to be created. Even if you don't care for Zombie's movie, the level of detail that was put into this FOUR HOUR bonus feature is astounding. I want to keep reliving the first time watching. Just a seriously fantastic compilation. Screw those nerdwriter1-esque video essays on Youtube, if you want to actually get into making movies and understanding the business for real, watch this now. It's like you're experiencing everything in real time.

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Blade Runner 2049

Not sure how to rate this one. Just saw it. Will have to let it sit with me for a bit. I do know that I liked it, though. Just not sure if I only liked or loved it.

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Olaf's Frozen Adventure
Coco
Roman J. Israel, Esq.

Walked out fifty minutes in. Roman's like autistic Ben Affleck from The Accountant, only this movie's not good and it sucks and it can go to hell. There's so much wrong with it, I won't bother writing it. It's clear the writer didn't bother either. For any poor souls with time to waste on this shit, take a shot any time Denzel Washington pushes his glasses up and rubs his face. Take three shots of hard liquor every time he eats a peanut butter sandwich. You will die in the first twenty minutes.

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Romeo Is Bleeding
The Fat and Lean Wrestling Match

Easily my favorite of all of Georges Méliès' films. I was actually laughing out-loud while watching this. An silly and over-the-top visual acting comedy sketch that's timeless in it's humor.

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Downsizing
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Annie Oakley

Annie Oakley > Atomic Blonde

I have nothing else to say about this, I just decided to make a random comment as I marathon a bunch of short films before the year ends. Happy New Year, everyone!

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Insidious: The Last Key
The Room
Mary and The Witch's Flower
The Dark Tower

Not one scene lasts more than two minutes. I started timing it, like I got a calculator out and starting counting the amount of time each scene had. As someone who's becoming a professional editor, this movie offends me. This is beyond embarrassing. This is a marvel. It needs to be shown in film and editing classes on what not to do. You could study this. Sony's lucky they had Jumanji last year. I almost want them to fail after this pile of predictable, formulaic, mediocre, bland, and sensory-raping trash. I started laughing my ass off at one part where Matthew McConaughey's dialogue didn't match his lips at all. I had to take frequent breaks every ten minutes just so I could stomach this hour and a half disaster. Like, just, fuck this movie and everyone who edited it.

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The Shape of Water
My Little Pony: The Movie
Samson
Early Man
Annihilation
Mary and The Witch's Flower

You know that thing people do when they re-watch a movie to test if it was the initial hype or bias blinding them from objective deconstructing? Well, re-watching Mary and the Witch's Flower did the opposite, it confirmed my hype. My rating is actually going up to my perfect-tier. I had tears in my eyes during the credits. Any film that can do that automatically gets five stars, because that is so hard to do to me. I don't like to think I'm cynical towards movies, but at the same time, I think movies have to earn their emotional pay-offs, I hate being cheated. I don't at all feel cheated with Mary. I had minor problems with the script the first viewing, but on a second-view, I don't have those problems anymore. I absolutely adore this movie, I hope more people can see this. Because this was a Fathom Events, we got a sneak-preview after the movie showing concept art for Studio Ponoc's next movie. I'm so happy the movie was a success to further their studio along.

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Death Wish
Peter Rabbit

I guess I forgot to log this one, I don't know why I didn't before. Just a few QUICK thoughts, Peter Rabbit is a strangely decent children's movie that touches on a few bases that the adult-friendly The LEGO Movie harnesses, and manages to secure a jolly little ride. Plenty of fourth-wall breaks, hilariously edited action montages, courtesy of Peter Menzies Jr., ironic jokes, and some glorious comedic timing. Domhnall Gleeson is quickly becoming one of my most favorite Irish actors, and the very second he comes on-screen, he steals the whole movie. The picture starts off slow and imitative, but Gleeson's charming and wild performance makes the feature a worthwhile price of admission. I wouldn't go full-price showing, but a Tuesday discount or MoviePass entrance will be sure to give you a number of good laughs. Very surprised about this one. If you were predicting Sony to treat the property akin to their hideous live-action The Smurfs adaptations, you will be surprised too.

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The Strangers: Prey at Night
Thoroughbreds
Sherlock Gnomes

GnomeBusters
Gnome With The Wind
The Invisible Gnome
Gnome Night
12 Angry Gnomes
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Gnome
The Silence Of The Gnomes
Gnome And See
Gnome Alone
Only Gnome Forgives
Gnomes Of New York
Running With The Gnomes
RoboGnome
Gnomerise Kingdom
Mission Impossible: Gnome Protocal
Gnome Torino
Gnome Of Steel
Shin Gnomezilla
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Gnome's Chest
Gnome: A Star Wars Story
The Lego Gnome Movie
Lara Croft Gnome Raider
How The Gnome Stole Christmas
Gnome In The Shell
The Gnome Who Leapt Through Time
Neon Gnomesis Evangelion

And just simply... The Gnome Movie.

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Game Over, Man!

How dare they disrespect the late Bill Paxton by titling the movie... Game Over, Man! It doesn't even make sense in context of the script, there are no references to Aliens in this. Makes me sick, we're so desperate for nostalgia bait, we're resorting to quotes from much better films. Count me out. Netflix is the new platform for straight-to-video movies. Very fitting given the level of quality being dumped onto it. There's a scene where a man eats another man's hairy ass, right on-screen, and I just felt so dirty, that I was watching it.

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Unsane

A Cure For Wellness but not AS riveting... or striking. The camera-work is great, all the shots are made to look like they're recorded by a guy hiding from faraway or from a security camera. A couple creepy ideas, held back by derivative script and monstrously lackluster third act; just nothing too special to become a modern classic. However, certainly worth checking over other trash-fires out now.

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Chappaquiddick

I'm really struggling to give this film a higher score. It's excellently done, the slow tension is magnificent, the music is memorable, and Jason Clarke is one of my new favorite actors. John Curran nails the slow-burn vibe I crave. My chest was heavy the minute the car flipped into the water, up 'til the end titles. The 1970's production design, layering on top the acting from the entire cast is terrific. It's not an epic like JFK, that leaves the audience questioning the events long after they've left the theater, but it gets the job done. I think the one set-back I feel with Chappaquiddick is length. What brilliant presentation we're given is undercut by a short story. Some of you could say that's good, I loved what was done and just wanted more, but I seriously think the run-time hurts my overall satisfaction. Just twenty minutes more could bump this up. I still love what was done, ignoring this personal qualm. The sense of loss and personal connection to Ted Kennedy you feel throughout the film is exquisite. Definitely check it out, just expect a short, but good story.

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Ready Player One
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