I don't like olde timey movies and I don't like romantic comedies, but Roman Holiday reminded me of the best parts of my past and let me forget the worst parts of my present.
I have an affection for Audrey Hepburn that borders on the unhealthy. She personifies for me all that is good and pure in life, and thus all that is pure and good in cinema, as cinema is life.
And, my God, that ending!
Like a communist e-girl, I loved the way it looked and tried to ignore the propaganda.
This true story about a small group of Chinese soldiers defending the last outpost in Shanghai against the Japanese army, all in full view of the war-free zone living large on the other side of the river (!), works extremely well as a grand war epic, despite the cloying lapses into clichés. The images are often breathtaking and not without a genuine stirring of emotion.
She's rage probably because she spent 90 minutes on this movie.
I get that low budget movies can't splurge on special effects and cosmetic tweaks but good scripts don't require anything but logic and creativity, of which I Am Rage has little of.
Watch Revenge instead.
Friday night, popcorn, and Alfred Hitchcock at his peak... What glorious day.
This story of the perfect murder gone wrong and then right and then wrong again doesn't miss a beat.
The cast, especially Ray Milland as the nefarious husband and the ethereal Grace Kelly, deliver this cleverly written story with perfection, but what truly makes this film expectational are the directorial flairs by the master of suspense.
Hitchcock proves over and over again in so many scenes just how richly he deserves to be considered one of the greatest directors of all time. What a pure joy this is to watch...
Like a strip tease with no tease, the images were great but the story was uninspiring.
Seen in IMAX.
Like a triple bacon cheeseburger: what it lacks in originality, it makes up for in ambition.
The story of Caesar's revenge kick is pretty flat, but the visuals are eye watering.
I also appreciated the reference to Nova from the 1968 original, as well as an explanation as to why the humans couldn't talk in that one.
Like sex with me: 80 minutes of build-up and 2 minutes of action.
A man hides cameras inside a house he rents to a young couple is as good a premise as any for a horror flick, but then they go and ruin it with a movie about marital issues. Unlike my sex life, this flick no business calling itself horror. The real horror was the relationship drama we met along the way.
Like the news: too much politics, not enough violence.
If you trim about 20 minutes of human/ape feels, I'm on board.
Like when she realizes I carry salami in my shorts: what's up front and what's inside are not the same, and one of them is a big disappointment.
Forgive me, but from the poster I didn't realize this was a rom-com. A stuntman falls (in love) and lands (the girl) and everything else is just as predictable.
Thank God Aaron Taylor-Johnson is in this to spice it up a little, because the rest of it is only white bread levels of interesting.
Hear me out: "Shame" but a comedy and the sex addict is a quirky Japanese detective.
Cute enough but the constant 'pitching a tent' jokes and objectification of women turned me off. I thought we outgrew these kind of movies in the 60s?
The premise (in an overpopulated, ecologically unsound world, governments have to reduce population by getting their inhabitants to...expire) was interesting and the shift to a Battle Royale inside the house scenario was clever, but they spent too long on the first act, not enough on the second and dropped the ball in the third, yet overall it wasn't unenjoyable.
Like watching a tennis game of things I hate: sports movie -- relationship drama --sports movie -- relationship drama --sports movie -- relationship drama --sports movie -- relationship drama --sports movie -- relationship drama --sports movie -- relationship drama...
All capped off with a ridiculous ending (no spoilers, but the music was hilarious!)
The actors were all hot and amazing, but the rest was giving made-for-ESPN Nickelodeon.
I first saw Repo Man in the 80s during its theatrical release in a small art house in Dayton, Ohio after a difficult breakup when I was trying to get out of my own head by doing things I'd never done before. I never looked back.
When it comes to 80s indie movies there is nothing like Harry Dean Stanton in his prime leading a punk rock mosh pit populated by a killer soundtrack (the only punk record I ever liked), fuck you story, and aliens.
All of this is held together by the masking tape of heavy-handed directing that's cut with the dull razor of dubious editing and paid for by an ex-Monkee.
I mean, what even is cinema if it isn't all of this?
The first kill is one hour into the 90-minute movie. The killer is drop dead obvious. It's ridiculous, tame and full of disco, yet somehow it's still better than the remake.
Like me when people tell me to be cool or even to chill: I'm not a fan.
A libertine scientist uncovers the secret of making the pineal gland grow out of your forehead like a pencil penis and kill people.
Every Lovecraft movie I've seen is so ridiculously over the top that I'm 100% sure I don't want to read any of his books.
All the stars I have for this flick go to the stupendous practical effects and the strikingly beautiful, unequivocal talent of Barbara Crampton.
Like an HR video on sexual harassment: first two randos roofie a girl on the way to work (WTF?), then another woman is repeatedly hit on by her boss in front of her colleagues who say nothing, and finally the hero asks the heroine if he can hug her and doesn't wait for her to answer before he goes for it (and she doesn't return the hug). I guess we know who the real mindless predators are here, and it's not the zombies.
Apart from that, as the action takes place in a shopping mall, there's no way to tell if it's Gangnam, Seoul or not (for sure it's not), so even the title sets us up for the disappointment lurking inside.
Like hot sauce that's too hot, the aggressiveness is so strong it covers the taste of everything else.
This video game action flick about a young man exacting revenge on dystopian rulers has so much repetitive video game action that the rest of the movie becomes little more than a static background in a classic platformer game.
Like a family dinner: the longer it goes on, the worse it gets.
The Taiwanese noir involves a journalist trying to prove a young guy didn't kill his rich girlfriend and drops the ball at every plot point. The actors can't, the director over-does, and the story misses every reveal.
Sasquatch Sunset is like a college frat party: obnoxious, insulting, and aggressively sophomoric.
I arrived 5 minutes late and that was my favorite part.
I seriously don't understand why Benny Hill eating his boogers is juvenile but Jesse Eisenberg eating his boogers is art. I was equally surprised this movie didn't come with a laugh track, because that's the level of comedy we're talking here.
Like a modern tank: rugged, stylish and solid.
Based on the true story of a secret mission (Operation Postmaster) in World War II, this film has many of the same players (Churchill, Ian Fleming) as Operation Mincemeat (2021) but succeeds where is predecessor failed thanks to a strong cast (Henry Cavill stands out) and dynamic directing by Guy Ritchie.
Like a tank, he story isn't anything really new and if fairly predictable as it moves along, but it at least it does it with a certain panache.
Like fingerprinting on a map with a hemophiliac's blood, Abigail gets a little messy and is all over the place.
A hired crew carries out a kidnapping job, only to find their 12-year-old victim isn't as harmless as she seems.
The story and execution is a little sloppy, but the plot and especially the cast (Melissa Barrera, Kathryn Newton and Dan Stevens are particularly strong) make this horror film a cut above the norm.
Hokier than a dance in the pokey where you have to stick something in and shake it all about.
Indonesian horror where anyone who sees the albino ghost dies in three days. The acting isn't good, the story is silly and the ending is ridiculous but there are 2 saving graces.
1) It's a nice change to have characters who pray to a Muslim God (and have their prayers answered)
2) There were 2 scenes of extreme gore that worked really well; if only the rest of the film has been like this.
If that's enough for you, then by all means...
Like me trying to assemble furniture: interesting and starts off ok, but it doesn't end well.
Denzel Washington is the hardened detective who once caved under the weight of a case and Remi Malek is the new golden boy who's yet to be tarnished. Together they have to investigate a serial killer who's surprisingly easy to catch.
In addition to the glut of cop clichés we have to suffer ("You ever wonder if it's all worth it?" "Who do you want to solve this for?"), there's also the frustration I have being the only one who knows Remi Malek can't act.
What Jennifer did was not enough for me.
This true crime documentary feels incomplete because they don't spend enough time at the end discussing the other people involved in this story, and it feels a little light, as we've seen this kind of story before. I didn't see what makes this so noteworthy that it needs to be a Netflix special and not an episode of Forensic Files.
Rebel Moon: Part 2 is like masturbation: I liked it a lot except for the predictable parts and the part where I fell asleep.
Noice looking pizza, popcorn and Dr Pepper Zero flick but when they started with a quilt-giving ceremony, then followed that up directly with the admiral singing a dirge in a made-up language and then went right into each character taking turns presenting their backstory... I checked out and woke up when the loud noises started again.
Basically a Nicholas Cage remake of 'A Quiet Place' but with darkness instead of noise and dumbed down for teens.
The most interesting thing about this movie is they stopped my first showing 2/3s of the way in because of a tornado warning in my town. We had to sit in the the hallway and by the time the warning was lifted it was too late to continue the film, so they gave me a voucher I had to use the day after.
I swear I don't know how to review old movies. This was old timey and black and white and over-acted like everything back in the day. I did like how this one flirted with mockumentary style and offered a view of the real New York back in the day 1938, so I guess that's a 'like' from me.
Like cannibalism: not for everybody but rather unpredictable and surprisingly tasty.
This gory slasher about an RV family that finds themselves staying with reclusive farmers in an isolated house is the best Tubi original I've ever seen.
I look on all found footage films as my children: flawed, perfect and I love them all.
Australian journalists investigating abandoned subway tunnels in Sydney find more than they were looking for in this creepy and well-crafted horror flick.
For those looking for even more scares in the same vein, try the incredible single-shot French found footage flick "Night Shot", or the classic "Grave Encounters".
Journalists cannot save the world, but they can record its demise.
This heart and gut wrenching documentary about the Russian invasion of Mariupol -- from the announcement of the war to the moment, 20 days later, the journalists escape with their footage and their lives -- will leave no viewer unmoved, nor leave any viewer period.
And to think there are American politicians who are either naive or nefarious enough to revere Putin and other war criminals...
