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Shame. If you've seen ANY of the previous Saw movies, or have an IQ above 80, you'll see every twist coming a mile away. This almost feels like a Saw fan film, to be honest. It's lost that epic and convoluted feel the previous installments had, something I actually found enjoyment in. This is one of the better directed Saw movies, but certainly the weakest in terms of the writing, with the twist ending being the lamest and underdeveloped twist I've seen yet in the series. The mystery element is extremely predictable, and like I've said, if you know the plot elements from the earlier movies, you'll predict what happens, easily. For example, in the movie, the detectives and doctors are dumbfounded that the killer's blood matches up and is under the victim's finger-nails. even though, the killer's been dead for 10 years. I immediately remembered back what happened in SAW V, when Hoffman, one of the original killers, used another person's finger-prints to handle a body, pinning the blame on them. And guess what, that's exactly what happens here. Someone planted the original killer's blood under the finger-nails. Nice original twist, you got there, guys. The only reason I'd recommend checking this out on video are some of the kills, which are pretty cool, but there's nothing here that screams a theater experience. I went against judgment from others, telling me to not bother, but I went anyways because I'm a Saw fan, but I'm a little disappointed. Seeing Tobin Bell in the role was cool and some traps were nice, but just overall, lame.

This movie is a miracle it exists and I'm so glad it does. It's great to see traditional 2D animation breath this lovingly on the big screen, and at the screening I was at, with a pretty decent crowd. I hope this means a comeback for this style and promises more in the future. Sure, the story is a little derivative of countless other works, but what makes the film feel whole and worthwhile is Mary Smith. She is just too damn adorable and likable right from when you first see her. The whole story is told from her perspective, so there are some sub-plots that aren't expanded or explained, and this is the reason why. It didn't matter in the main course. The point is you're supposed to be just as confused and entranced as her, and it works. The film manages to make itself fun and unique despite it's predictable and similar tropes you see in other anime films. The cast is adorable, the story is heart-warming, and the animation is absolutely spectacular, like really, some of the best I've ever seen, even better than a couple of the Miyazaki movies. Studio Ponoc really wanted to start out strong, to prove they can continue making these movies, and God, I hope they do. If you can still find a screening in your area, go seek it out. It's seriously enjoyable for what it is.

Man, I've gotten behind in writing reviews. I'm writing this in my college library, that's how pressed I am for time. The next couple entries will just be short, quick rambles for the films I've seen in the past week. Death Wish, I'm puzzled at the lukewarm and left-leaning reactions I'm hearing from audiences and those at Rotten Tomatoes. Was it released at "at a bad time" and is it a conservative's wet-dream? I don't know, ask the critics who denounced the original film from 1974, quote, "It was attacked by many film critics due to its support of vigilantism and advocating unlimited punishment of criminals. The novel denounced vigilantism, whereas the film embraced the notion." If you aren't aware, somehow, Eli has a hard-on for grindhouse features and exploitation movies from the 70's. He's worked with Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez multiple times now, Grindhouse, and the trio all love this era and low-budget type of production. So, the love for that genre is translated in a fascinating and fun approach, whereat times, the film feels like a flashback to drive-in cheese, in a good way. At other points, however, it captures a sniff or essence of a Wes Craven, yes, I just said that. Death Wish feels like Wes Craven's Scream for a few elongated sequences, noticeably the critical break-in with Bruce Willis' family. It's very reminiscent of the opening from Scream, which is why I bring it up. It may not be as clever, but it has that 90's flavor, like this movie has been in a time capsule for the last two decades. That doesn't make it dated, but it has that intoxicating aroma, which is what I love about Death Wish. Eli goes full-on with his kills, and they're all justified, if you actually watch the movie. The shoot-outs are so grand and memorable, I jumped in my seat and lost my breath repeatedly. For those who have seen it, that scene where he walks up to the "ice-cream seller" and just shoots him without hesitation, come on, is that not one of the best kills since some of the westerns of the 60's? Bruce Willis is a serious badass, you will want to be him. It's a true return for him as an action star. Mind you, it's a bit gory, you will be squeamish at a time or two, but that's Eli's formula, note Hostel as one of his more famous movies. But as a fan myself of the exploitation era, and genuine pure action, there's not a lot left for me to say but, this is a criminally underrated and underexposed action flick. A great return for the genre with majestic and perfected action. Sounds like high praise? Might be, but anyone who's a fan of THE grindhouse needs to see this now.

The biggest relief I can say about Ready Player One is it works, even without the never-ending barrage of pop culture nostalgia. Upset across all social media platforms, a concern I took part in, was the movie had no identity to show for itself, that it relied heavily on better films from the 80's to sell itself. I do not think the comments I made were bad or outdated now, as it is important to criticize art, but I can happily say I did enjoy this movie's core, even without the aid of the surface eye candy. This is the most Spielberg movie that man has made in quite awhile, after such masterpieces like The BFG. It follows the standard hero's journey he's used a number of times, this closely paralleling E.T., which was a welcome return. This is the director I fell in love with, and it seems he knew how to take the disaster of a book this is adapted from, and create an entertaining blockbuster. My bigger hiccups about the picture, are one or two tasteless scenes, specially the haunted house rendition of Stanley Kubrick's The Shining. It's a crowd-pleaser moment, understandably, but something about it's total disregard for the meanings from the original film almost come off as disrespectful. It's the closest the movie touched the "Hey, remember this thing you recognize?!" predicament I was fearing before watching. I think a more shallow movie, hell Grease would've worked much better, could fix this. Any other issues I had could be pointed at it's predictability, and over-reliance on filling the run-time with references, some of which don't advance the story much. I could see what they were doing, showing Wade being smarter than everyone else in the game, but having him list off stuff like it's a references checklist is where it can get half-assed. But most of the callbacks are respectful and work, they did their research, thankfully. No cringe shit like Marvel Studios' Black Panther's, "What're those?!" Just end me. Happy to just say I've seen another blockbuster in four months that I didn't hate. I'm going to remember that opening race, good shit. And, I geeked out like hell when MechaGodzilla was fighting The Iron Giant. It makes no sense, but I understand that's the point.

I'm shocked. A balls deep, nonplussing emotional, clever horror trip with some shocks and pleasant punches. It seems studios are taking a look at their failed first installments, i.e. Ouija, now Unfriended, and actually making the effort to improve upon what didn't work. I say, it's a welcome surprise. From the trailer alone, I wanted nothing to do with Dark Web, I was laughing at the concept (and screaming at the normies), but meanwhile praising the teaser of similar project Searching. I walked in this expecting to hate it, but as it slowly built up, I found myself enjoying it. Stephen Susco's directorial debut, who he previously wrote the two Grudge remakes, pulls so meaty and slick twists. I'm not sure how much research he did into the dark web, but he kept the reality faithful enough with only taking a few liberties. It still bugs me they use the glitchy static whenever something evil is "on-screen." It wouldn't distort, it would just lag and buffer. But the nitpicks aside, they go it where it counts. They even implemented Remote Desktop Control, I love it. The type of blocking Susco implements with programs being open and shit made me roll my head back smiling at how ingenious some of it was. A livestream would be open on one tab will be playing a camera from one angle, but then on another tab hidden under in the corner will start showing something moving on same stream, meanwhile a message comes up in the other corner of the screen. It's difficult to explain, this was an elaborate set up, I can't imagine pulling all these elements together, but that part where Serena has to pick between her girlfriend or her mom had me rolling. But said having said that, it could lead into one of the bigger issues with movie, and I didn't much care for the six lead characters. Oh, they sure try, they try to make me care, and it works at a few parts. But, half the time, despite how evil (and grossly unrealistic) their actions, I was rooting for the Charon's to take the step further. Come on, hacking into Aj's computer and playing a shotgun cock sound as his house is getting swatted so he gets shot? Terrible, but I was near screaming in the theater. I won't say anything else they do, but it gets way better. There wasn't as much violence as I expected (hardly any blood), but the fast pace and twisted scenarios sufficed any bloodshed. Susco outdid himself on the direction. Just a mouse cursor spinning rapidly to capture the emotions of the character you can't see on camera, little details like that make this brilliant. It's full of 'em. If you were having any doubts about this like I was, it could surprise you. A fun and stirring little experience. Based on the ending, it really should've been called Game Night. Guess they had to change it after another release came out this year.

this is the best fucking movie I've seen in 2018, what the fucking fuck! ! ! This is how you do a parody/children's movie/superhero genre destroying epic (if that's even a type of movie). I was smiling within the first five seconds and it carried through almost the entire damn thing. Like, I don't even watch the show and I hate the state of superhero films, but... this made me excited about superheroes. I was bopping my head to the songs, I was feeling at the feels moments, I was howling at the excellent, and actually clever, meta humor. This is one of the most original children's films I've seen in years, despite that it's plot structure is actually fairly basic and predictable. This enters the reigns of The LEGO Movie in representing a very surprising upset, coming from an joke franchise to proving itself it has worth. To all the haters detracting the movie on social media, yelling you want the original show back, go see it. There's even a surprise mid-credit scene you may like. Teen Titans GO! To the Movies is a very welcome and fun sleeper hit that will please anyone who goes and sees it, nerd, geeks, adults, children, the world will bask in it's fast paced take down that leaves no topic unscathed. It's all here, everything it could take down it does. The animation even hilariously switches depending on the film or show it's referencing, and it happens often. The amount of properties it flirts with borders on indecipherable and will require it's own wiki page. I was rooting for the characters, it gave me a reason to care, I was laughing with them on their ridiculous plights, and used a cool subtle jab at the Hollywood machine as it's invisible enemy. I loved this movie, I just wish it was longer and tried ever so slightly harder to avoid it's clichés. Thankfully, they don't detract much the entertainment value. Who wants to start an Oscar campaign for this movie? If fucking Boss Baby can get in, this can and will. Let's start that crusade, just like the Titans.

also, Back to the Future reference was a nice touch. they paid the royalties for the songs, I love it.

James Wan understands horror. Whether it's his hands-on directing or darkly lit cinematography, his flare feels real. What separates something like this from The Nun is it gives it's characters depth. Aside from the ham fisted "true story" narrative slapped across the opening and posters (which has been used in horror for years now), the tension from the film comes from the human interaction. You know, storytelling, an arc, building up emotional layers, finding something to relate this alien, and often hokey premise, to a general audience. There's something commendable about a film that will literally sit down and talk about bullying. A one shot scene where an out of focus character transforms into something else over time. The shock and surprise comes from these people feeling real; not some magic portal to hell that opened because bombs were dropped during world war two. While the effects get quite exaggerated, many times, it's hard to tell what is practical and digital, and I'm glad Wan still utilizes classic horror visual lighting, keeping everything moody and almost pitch black. We rag on modern horror for using a lot of the tropes (jump scares, religious undertones, Ouija boards, and demons), but what keeps this and Wan apart from others is it's down to Earth approach, even during the supernatural moments. At times, it feels like The Exorcist, in all the best ways, what scares you is what could be real, not what isn't. Also, let's applaud the soundtrack.

As a lifelong SpongeBob admirer, since I was little, this film feels like the proper jumping off point for most longtime fans. It's the last thing Tim Hill, one of the original creators, will be involved with on the series, and it's the last SpongeBob piece of media that was in production while Stephen Hillenburg was still alive. The in memoriam at the end was a tasteful farewell. But the biggest issues plaguing the film are it's retreads of the 2004 original and it's constant retconning of SpongeBob lore. I know many casual viewers and especially parents will not care at all about any of the changes, but all you have to do is watch season 1 of the show to see how inconsistent and mandated the inclusions are. SpongeBob met Sandy as an adult, same with Squidward, same with Mr. Krabs. And SpongeBob knew Patrick since birth. The Nickelodean enforced 'Camp Coral' spin-off advertisement flashbacks were irritating and ruined what could've been otherwise extremely heartfelt speeches by SpongeBob's friends. I can see I'm not the only one voicing those complaints, so it's upsetting Nick forced them in, especially when Hillenburg was very openly against spin-offs or side shows of the characters. Putting that aside, the animation is gorgeous, rivaling The Peanuts Movie in presentation, and love and care in to the environments. Plenty of easter eggs are afoot, the Patty wagon makes a return, and so much more. It's a feast for the eyes above anything else. There are funny bits, Danny Trejo shows up for a few minutes as the ruler of these ghostly zombie pirates, called El Diablo. Keanu Reeves plays a pretty major character called Sage, a tumbleweed who acts as a voice of guidance, pretty much the Mindy of this film. Snoop Dogg has a short musical number, and Take On Me plays as the film closes. It banks on celebrity appearances and the occasional song reference, but the banter between SpongeBob and Patrick is what keeps it afloat. I think what disappointed me was it never tugged at my heart strings like the original did. There's no similar scene where the duo sing "I'm A Goofy Goober" with their last breath as they're dying. There are glimpses for sure, but never reach that peak. The majority of the runtime is a clone of 'Beavis and Butthead Do America' fused with 'Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius.' I recommend only watching if you are in the same demographic as me. An adult who grew up with the series and wants to see one final film to close the curtain. Because I'm done with the series now that Hillenburg is gone and I'm sure that's exactly what he would've wanted.

"Ogata, humans are weak animals. Even if I burn my notes, the secret will still be in my head. Until I die, how can I be sure I won't be forced by someone to make the device again?

"Oh Peace, Oh Light, Return... The prayer for peace that took place all over the country today... Here we see the Tokyo chapter of this event... Listen to the young voices as they put the strength of their lives into their song..."

"I can't believe that Godzilla was the only surviving member of its species... But if we continue conducting nuclear tests... it's possible another Godzilla might appear somewhere in the world again."

This is not a monster movie. This is not a Godzilla movie. This is a post-war horror film. This is a drama masterpiece that displays the horrors of nuclear weapons and the results such weapons have on the planet. Godzilla is a direct symbol of an atomic explosion. Godzilla is our fault. We did this to ourselves, and now we suffer the devastating consequences.

It's such a damn shame, even though I'm loving where the new Godzilla films are going with Kong Vs. Godzilla, we will never get an American Godzilla film this insanely deep or politically important. The closest Godzilla film that's gotten close tone wise to this is Gareth Edwards' masterpiece in 2014 and Anno's 2016's 'Shin Godzilla.' That film was about the horrors of the 2011 tsunami and incompetence of the Japanese government during that event.

The acting is perfect. The script is perfect. The music is perfect. The themes of post-war fear are perfect. It's groundbreaking. It's heartbreaking. It's amazing. It's the original Godzilla.

This is where I fail as a movie reviewer. I am too easy on the horror genre. The Platinum Dunes remake of Friday The 13th is a surprisingly faithful re-adaptation of the series. It satisfies my lust I crave from the stereotypical trashy horror flick: Blood, tits, drugs, sex, and gore. What makes the remake worth at least one viewing is it's sleek and stylish upgrade. This is definitely an improvement over the many sequels, much as the same route A Nightmare On Elm Street took, where the remake is better than most of the originals. Note aside, beyond it's guilty pleasure attraction, the depth of Crystal Lake is shallow. Many of the side characters have but any growth, their purpose is just to be killed in gruesome fashion (which is satisfying as hell), and the story is just another brain-dead person out to kill those who comes into his home. Must say though, for a downer guy as big as Jason, he sure knows how to set up some elaborate traps. You've heard this song before, only now, you get a kick-ass cover to it. If only the original song had some depth to it. Yeah, I said that about the original movie. Hope you guys have a most excellent Friday the 13th.

Women deserve better films than this, don't give them this. We're not helping women, whatever the hell that means, by giving them the most basic, bare bones, modern, disgusting trite nonsense this is. There's an eyerolling "girl power" montage right before the main titles appear. For no reason. It's not a commercial on television, it's not an advertisement, it's just a random clip show of girls doing stuff. It's just gross. There's no point to it other than flaunt, "Aren't I doing the female sex a positive by saying how good it is to have a vagina?!" All of the male characters are very comically sexist, white, and troublesome, outside of Patrick Stewart of course. The action is tired, a lot of it borrowed from stuff like Now You See Me and Mission Impossible, except much more obnoxious, thanks to Banks needlessly making all of our three new leads as insufferable as possible. Stewart especially I've never hated this much, not even back in the Twilight days. None of her jokes make any sense, she babbles every line, and she does it every time she opens her mouth. I was able to endure fifty minutes or so before realizing I didn't even know any of their names or what was going on because the film's priorities lie in all the wrong places, establishing the organization and the villain rather than our leads. There's even a humorous piece during the first major car chase where one of them asks, "Who is that? Why is he shooting at us?" And I was like, "I'm asking the same thing!" The first line in the film is, "I think women can do anything." Is this really a debate we're still trying to have and the media trying to push on to the general American public? Women in the west are the most freed and supported than at any other point in human history. How fucking ironic that this film that wants to act as a female power move is funded in part by China, a place that has internment camps for Muslims; they show happy Muslims in the film in that opening montage. Hey Banks, why don't you use some of your money you had to make this movie and go help out those people instead of sucking more Hollywood dick to get to make the Invisible Woman film you're now directing? I guess virtue signalling is more important. I only get heated about this because how hypocritical the people who are making this film are being. Glad this shit bombed.

The whole movie, I was just thinking about this video:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=40hFDtQLB8c

I'm going to try to vent my opinions on this movie now.

I think this movie frustrated me more than anything. Barry Jenkins did a really outstanding job with the direction. The scene near the beginning with Chiron in the ocean is great. The way the camera bounces up and down with the water was fabulously disorienting and I loved it. A similar example of noticeable camera work was when Kevin enters Chiron's car. The camera is mounted to the car door and the camera moves accordingly when the door is opened. There's good work all around.

Another major positive of the movie was the acting. Everyone did a phenomenal job with the material they had, especially Naomie Harris. She was absolutely perfect as the drug-addicted mother, who eventually winds up in a Rehabilitation center. She gives an outstanding performance at the table with Chiron, as she breaks down and tries to tell him she loves him, to which he just has to respond that he hates her. Mahershala Ali was quite enjoyable, but unfortunately, he wasn't in the movie very long.

I'm not typically interested in films with topics about gays or victims who are resulted from bullying, but I felt obligated to check it out after all the buzz and critical acclaim it was getting. There was a lot going for it and I was having fun with the characters at different points in the story, especially Chiron's classmate Kevin, played by André Holland. However, even with him at the forefront of the third act, I thought the last hour of the movie dragged on way too long. Far too fucking long. I could see exactly where they were going with setup, but they took too long in the diner to execute anything. There's plenty of scenes like it throughout the whole film. Something will be setup, but then not go much anywhere or do anything particularly interesting.

I understand the movie is trying to get across some important messages about life, love, and the struggle of trying to find yourself as a person. But the problem is, while I applaud and definitely see some great scenes in this movie, like Little Chiron sitting alone in the bathtub, there is far too little happening. You can't have a movie that's only themes. You still need interesting scenes to convey your themes. The only parts I really got invested in was Chiron's life in high school. He finally had enough and threw a chair right into the back of his notorious bully, Terrel. It was a chapter of the film I could identify with, we've all gone through rough patches growing up.

I'd like to give this movie a higher rating because it has good material to boast, but while it has some good subject matter behind it, it's far too slow. Not even the impressive direction and performances can make me want to revisit this movie. I could see why some could get sucked up in the world of Chiron's, but I wasn't digging it. Great visual work from Barry Jenkins, but a script re-write was needed.

TL:DR Watch Alien, then Aliens, then play Alien: Isolation, then watch the assembly cut of Alien 3. You're done after that.

I've thought of a lot of different ways I could open this review, but I'm going to do something simple... and start with a checklist; a list of questions for a typical audience member.

1. Do you want a suspenseful slow-burn gripping horror movie? If you answered yes, you're not going to get it at all.

2. Do you want a memorable and unique action thriller with new and exciting ways to show suspenseful gripping warfare? If you answered yes, you're not going to get that either.

3. Do you want memorable and interesting characters that go through arcs, have interesting personalities, and you eventually become really attached to them? If you answered yes, you're looking in the wrong fucking place, boyo.

4. Do you want a philosophical interesting study of human nature that chronicles the creation of a deadly species; one study that makes you question the existence of mankind? If you answered yes, you'll get a very shallow and uninteresting concept like that doesn't go anywhere, but it's kind of there.

5. Do you want a shitty lackluster horror movie that relies on tons of jump-scares, no tension or suspense, absolutely retarded humans that don't act like real people, sprinkles of exposition and pseudo-intellectual dialogue about creation, absolutely atrocious looking CGI, and constant copycat recreations of stuff that happened in the original Alien? If you answered yes, THEN THIS IS THE MOVIE FOR YOU!

Alien: Covenant is really an anomaly of a movie for me. I've never been so confused at the choices made by a director and a screenwriter, while I was watching the movie. I really want to know what was going through their heads. I want to ask them this one question: "What was the goal of this movie?"

As a horror movie, it fails on every front imaginable. You know that movie "The Cabin in the Woods"? The movie where the scientists release toxins into a typical horror movie cabin to cloud the visitors' judgement, and that explains why so many horror movie characters make really stupid decisions? Yeah, imagine that concept, but it was done for serious. The absolute baffling and obviously illogical choices some of these characters make, actually make me roll my head in utter disbelief at how stupid these colonists are. They don't wear helmets when going onto an alien planet, they don't follow any sort of protocol, they don't follow any code, they decide to poke everything they see, and generally act like incompetent children. The fact these people were given the task to colonize another world and be responsible for the lives of over 2,000 colonists is unbelievable. I don't buy it for a fucking second.

Continued from the last paragraph, there's this one scene about 1/3 into the movie, where one the passengers gets infected with this kind of bionic metal floating thing and instantly becomes sick. He's dragged back to the space shuttle that's landed on the planet and is put into the medical room. Girl 1 gets locked into the room with Infected 1. Girl 2, who was already on the space shuttle, locks them both in and refuses to open the door. Infected 1 starts to shake rapidly and something starts to pop out his back, blood flying everywhere. Girl 1, for some fucking reason, decides to hug Infected 1 like the dumb shit she is. The little xenomorph pops out Infected 1's back in a little blood sac, and proceeds to attack Girl 1. Meanwhile, Girl 2 is acting like frantic spaz and goes and grabs a shotgun. She opens back up the room and walks slowly to Girl 1, who's being ripped apart by the alien. She then slips on the pool of blood like a fucking idiot and accidentally fires the gun. She gets up and tries to scramble out of the room, and then gets her foot caught in door, crippling it, again, like a complete idiot. The alien chases her out of the room into the cargo bay of the shuttle, where she proceeds to just shoot wildly until she fires at a gas canister, blowing up the entire space shuttle, stranding all the other passengers on the planet.

Now, when it comes to logic in movies, I'm not harsh on it at all. I'm actually an advocate for suspending disbelief and just accepting that sometimes, people do dumb shit when they're scared. Yes it's true, people when they're clouded by emotions, will act incoherently or stupidly. I firmly believe that in movies and I know people will write characters like that to make them more believable But this... this scene, was so fucking infuriating to watch. Was it supposed to be silly? Was it supposed to be scary? What was the point of this scene? I was watching a really pathetic human acting like a complete moron acting crazy, until she decides to shoot a gas canister. The entire sequence was really just sad to watch, and not in a good scary way.

And even as an action sequence, it's not thrilling or intense either. I wasn't riveted or on the edge of my seat as the events before me unfolded. I knew exactly what was going to happen, with the xenomorph poping out Infected 1's back, but this raises me to a big point that I want to bring up, one of the fundamental biggest problems I had with the movie, besides the fact it's not scary:

The xenomorphs themselves are not scary at all. I'm actually amazed people are giving this movie a pass, rating it with like a 3/5 or higher. I just don't believe that in the slightest. When I think of Alien, I think of claustrophobic terrifying corridor encounters with a deadly and unknown hostile life-form that could kill you in an instant. This nail-biting and tension-filled wait for the thing to go away. Ridley Scott, with this movie, effectively ruins what makes the Alien scary. I have NO problem with Scott trying to explore the mythos of the alien universe, and even explain where the xenomorphs came from. I don't particularly like it, I think it ruins the mystery of the alien, but I can appreciate Scott trying to do something different. But the way the aliens are showcased in this movie, don't make them out to be the terrifying monsters that lurk in the shadow, waiting to strike and then pounce back into the darkness, just ready to sneak up on you. They're now just generic movie monsters now, not exhibiting any of the familiar traits or behaviors of xenomorphs from the original trilogy. Instead of hiding and lurking in the shadows like a deadly creature, these fuckers are running out in the open, just attack humans aimlessly. I felt like I was watching a Friday the 13th movie, but if Jason Vorhees was just skinned over with a alien suit. When I see a xenomorph just come up behind a naked couple in the shower, I don't think of alien, I think of Shylock cliche horror from other movies that are terrible, especially the Friday the 13th sequels. When I see a xenomorph attack a fucking security camera for no reason, other than to give the audience a little laugh, that doesn't feel like Alien. I'm not saying the movie has to be the same as the original, hell, far from it. I want them to do stuff that's different, but you have to understand the rules and behaviors of the world you're exploring first. It's like Ridley Scott forgot the movie he was trying to make.

Another two problems I have with the xenomorphs, are the visual effects and the animation. It's sad to me to think that human suits from over 40 years still look better than CGI from this year. I don't know who was in charge of creating the digital effects for this movie, I don't know if they were rushed or something, but effects for the aliens was fucking terrible. Not once was I convinced in the whole movie, that what I was looking at was a real alien that posed a threat to the humans. The glossy and horribly modeled xenomorph models looked like they were from a low budget experiment project, not a big budgeted blockbuster. But even with the awkward and awful looking models, I felt the animations were all wrong. Thank about what a xenomorph is: It's an alien that infects it's host and then takes the form of the host it infected. 100% verifiably based on what we've seen in the alien universe thus far, when a facehugger infects a human, the resulting xenomorph looks and moves like a human. It stands upright and walks like a human. When a facehugger infects an animal, let's say a dog, the resulting xenomorph movies on all-fours and acts like a dog. We saw this in both Alien and in Alien 3. But for some reason in Alien: Covenant, when the facehugger takes over the human captain, the resulting xenomorph moves more like an animal... running on all-fours. Which, if you think about it doesn't make any sense, based on what we've seen. Yes, Ridley Scott could just be rectonning Alien 3 because "most fans didn't like it," but this animation fundamentally undermines what the term "xenoMORPH" stands for. The embryo morphs into the lifeform it's taken over. It takes the physical traits from it's host. But besides that glaring error in the choice of animation, the actual digital movement of the xenomorph model looked really fake and stupid. The way it ran down corridors and up and down ladders was not convincing in the slightest.

And even when the horror doesn't work, the action doesn't work either. You'd think they'd be able to get one of these elements right, but nope. Because there's no tension in the air and xenomorphs are just running out in the open like deer or whatever, there's no reason for me to get invested in the close-encounters action that's happening. Sure, some people shoot some guns and there's a part at the end where newcomer-captain Daniels is dangling off a space shuttle, but none of the action feels new and fresh. In fact, most of it feels extremely anti-climactic. It feels kind of tact on, like Ridley Scott was making one movie and realized, "Oh yeah, I have to make this a little exciting for audience members. I'll just throw in an action scene here and there. That'll shut them up." None of it feels earned. It just feels like it happens for the sake of happening, and Scott doesn't try to do anything unique with the direction. I was thoroughly bored in every 2 action scenes. The xenomorph just follows the heroes out onto the second space shuttle that comes down, and chases them like a generic bad guy. What happened to the alien sneaking up and avoiding detection, luring the victims into a false sense of security?
The climax of this jumbled mess was literally a carbon copy of the ending from both Alien and Aliens. New-captain Daniels and Danny McBride's character lure the xenomorph into the cargo bay back on the main ship, and then blow the fucker out into space. Same shit again. Nothing original or done differently. I'm really getting sick of it.

Okay, now will all my grievances out of the way, all of my anger hopefully vented, there is one thing critics and audiences are trying to give this movie credit for, or even justifying their reason for the movie earning a fucking 3 stars or higher. Michael Fassbender. He's the center of the movie. He's the core of what this movie's about. The very first scene is his character David, from Prometheus, having a discussion with his creator. This gets them into a talk about what it's like to create, and where humanity will go. Is the role of humans to die off and make way for the next creation from father? Ridley Scott tries to use Fassbender as a tool to try to talk philosophically about life and death, and the horrors of creation. There's a back and forth sequence in the middle of the movie where David and Walter, another synthetic android that looks like David, have a conversation how David has followed in his fathers footsteps, and experimented to create his own life, effectively building the alien xenomorphs. Yes, the synthetic David actually created the xenomorphs, which, I'm okay with the writers doing something interesting like that, but... it doesn't go anywhere or try to answer real serious questions. It just brings up some empty blanket questions about creation and why it's horrific, but never does anything with it. In one scene with the original captain from the colonist crew, he gets taken over by a facehugger, and later, when the xenomorph chestbursts out of his stomach, sad piano and violin music plays, trying to poise some kind of greater question about the xenomorph. To me personally, it doesn't do anything other than just make the aliens not scary anymore. It actually makes me not scared of the xenomorphs anymore. Now they just seem like toys a man came up with, which is fine idea... if the man who created them was actually scary. Michael Fassbender does a decent job with the material he has, and he's a fine actor, but in no way is he intimidating, and I don't believe for a second that he created the xenomorphs. Also, this raises the question, what about the alien queen in the movie 'Aliens'? Where did she come from? The xenomorphs aren't a race like previously thought? Why isn't this explained? Oh, I have to wait until the NEXT sequel to learn that. Goddamn it.

When it tries to be smart, it doesn't work. When it tries to be scary, it doesn't work. When it tries to be action-packed, it doesn't work. When it tries to add depth to the characters, it doesn't work. I didn't like really anything this movie had to offer. I thought some of the music was decent and Michael Fassbender's performance was alright, but that's not enough to save a movie like this. When I think about Covenant, then I think about Alien, it just makes me sad. The original Alien was a groundbreaking masterpiece that worked because it was filled with tension. Ridley Scott is now just using the Alien franchise to try to act pretentious, calling Alien: Covenant a "thinking man's Alien movie." Oh, bite me, Ridley. Your movie isn't smart in any way. It's terribly paced, horribly focused, not scary, not interesting, and not worthy anyone's time.

This is the Attack of the Clones of the Alien franchise. Ridley Scott is now George Lucas, trying to claim ultimate ownership of the franchise. It's quite sad. Very disappointed in this disaster.

Do you guys think I enjoy disliking these movies? 'Cause I don't. I swear, I go into every one of these hoping I come out having had a good time, laughing and enjoying watching superheroes do marvelous things. But this is the third time this year I've been disappointed by a Marvel movie. I just don't get it anymore. Is there something wrong with me, or am I missing something in this movie? I really don't know. But as I was watching, I didn't laugh once, but other people around me were laughing, at presumably all the right points. I could tell when a moment was supposed to be funny, I could tell a joke was being attempted, but I just kind of sat there, not at all convinced. A lot of the humor just feels so flat, or simplistic. I didn't think any of the jokes were clever or original. Just like awkward dialogue or callbacks to previous Marvel movies. I think I only half-smiled at two jokes in the entire thing. One was at Steven Strange's place, where Thor puts his hammer (disguised as an umbrella), in an upstairs umbrella rack. At the end of the scene, he's downstairs ready to leave, he puts his hand out for his hammer to come back to him, and you just hear in the background glass shattering and things just getting destroyed. After a couple seconds of it, Thor just half-heartedly says sorry. At least that joke had a little bit of set-up to it. I know there's another one involving a callback to Loki and Hulk's encounter from The Avengers, but I don't consider it clever. Most audiences won't get the joke unless they've seen that scene from that movie. The only other scene I kind of smirked at was the Hulk bouncing a giant ball across the room and back, like that prison scene from The Great Escape, and I thought that was just a nice little touch. But outside that, none of the humor landed with me. I don't know where people are getting at that this movie is like hilarious and easily the best Thor movie. I mean, yeah, it's the best Thor movie, but is that saying much? The first two Thor movies were total garbage, and I actually think I'm not alone in saying that. The story in this movie could not get anymore cliche, with it's hero's journey arc. I think it's definitely the laziest written Marvel movie of this year. I wish we actually learned something about Cate Blanchett's Goddess of Death in this movie. There's like a half-explained backstory that she was banished or something and all traces of her and the real history of Asgard was erased, but that's about the extent of her character. Also, we don't know enough about her powers and her abilities. What weakens her? How powerful is she? We don't know. Check out this little scene from her introduction:

youtu.be/lBBvT6QY2Xk

She's brought up to be like this ultimate powerful being that shocks audiences. I can hear the people watching the trailer now screaming, "Oh my god, she destroyed Thor's hammer! How's that possible?!" Yet, when we see the whole movie, the actual confrontation is very underwhelming. And we never really understand what can she do and can't? I'm still like confused on this. I get that she's more powerful than Thor, but is that it? I don't even know what kills her at the end of the movie. Getting stabbed by that fucking huge flaming monster? There were a few moments of a flashback we see of her fighting the Valkyries, and it's got this renaissance-painting like look to it, similar to the storybook in Wonder Woman, but that's really it. OH, and when she first arrives in Asgard, she murders to people guarding the gate, but randomly decides to spare the janitor that's standing by. Oh, and the guy states he's a janitor in a fashion I assumed was meant humorous, but it wasn't. But she spares him and makes him her executioner... because janitors make really good executioners, I suppose. And he just kind of like awkwardly follows beside her, and I'm still really fucking confused why she kept him. She's the Goddess of Death. Why does she need a fucking executioner? He does nothing the whole movie, and she could just do his job, as she shows off early in the movie. But his whole arc amounts to nothing. I don't even know if we saw him in the final scene. The whole movie just has so much lazy writing. It starts with Thor in a cage talking to a skeleton we see off-screen, but I was just thinking the whole time, "The only reason he's talking to this skeleton is so the audience can get caught up in why he's in the situation. When has Thor ever talked to inanimate objects like that?" It was just something I noticed. And the scene after that has some of the worst CGI I've seen this year. The flaming monster of whatever had terrible animations, it just looked so jarring whenever they'd cut from him back to Chris Hemsworth's live action footage. It even looked like the chains Thor was in was CG, maybe it was the lighting. Now, now, I don't have ill-will towards the director Taika Waititi, I've yet to see his previous movie, so let me list off at least a few positives. And that's the direction the movie sometimes has. At times, there are some really impressive elaborate shots, like the previously mentioned flashback sequence. And there's one scene with Thor and his hammer flying away from a giant serpent monster that was nicely put together with the silhouette lighting and fast movement. But at other times, the movie looks like hot garbage. I don't have all the footage at my disposal, but just for example at some of the bad direction, check out this clip:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw1T6KYM_4I

I swear, the blocking and camera choices are straight out of Attack Of The Clones, with that scene of Anakin and Obi-Wan talking in the elevator. As much as I like that film, same shit. But you know what's really funny, is I found Waititi actually admits the direction is lazy:

youtu.be/7WahFlp7LKI?t=36s

I love how he finds a hard time saying positives in that sequence. Just pointing out the background is all CGI. Something that's clear as day obvious. There's actually a lot of bad green-screen in this movie. One was so bad, I swear, I almost started laughing in the theater. It's when Thor's running down the bridge towards Asgard and I swear to God, I could see the black lines around Chris Hemsworth.

But, ugh, I don't really know what else to say anymore. Marc Ruffalo has almost nothing to do in this movie except spout jokes at times towards Thor, there's more comic relief characters, just like what you'd see out of Guardians Of The Galaxy 2, and Jeff Goldblum doesn't have as many scenes as I wanted. He was one of the better parts of the movie. I want to see more of him in future movies. I gotta admit, I got a kick out of seeing Doctor Strange again. Benedict Cumberbatch is always a treat to see, even if he didn't do jack shit in this movie and only served as a cameo. Also, they play Led Zepplin's Immigration Song twice in the movie. Why? I don't know, because Guardians of the Galaxy changed movies forever. And before people tell me it's Waititi's style to put jokes in serious moments, fine, but I don't think so. I've seen Marvel do this before, making a potentially dangerous and tense sequence silly. Not once was I on the edge of my seat during this whole thing, and I never feared for the main characters' lives. Even when Thor's home planet, Asgard, is blown up to smithereens, they make a joke about it.

I'm so not looking forward to Infinity War. I just don't get it anymore.

(Anyone else find it interesting with some of these movies now, in order to coax people to give the movie some extra credit points, they show a brief behind the scenes clip about the movie right before the movie starts? And then they say thanks for coming out and supporting the movie? Disney's Coco did it and now this. Guess it's going to become a trend now, considering the sky-dropping ticket sales...)

I'm gutted. Like, genuinely disappointed. As someone who was looking forward to this spectacle, listening to the soundtrack on Spotify before the movie even came out, I can't believe this is what I'm having to write about this. I expected this to be in my top ten of the year. I was hoping for a grand and memorable epic that had wonderful stuff, full of lovable characters, magical musical sequences, and etc. But this is not what I was treated to, no sir. Through the first half of this depressing bore, I kept bouncing around my head with my future rating, asking like, "Is this above-average? Am I enjoying this? Yeah, I guess so. There's been some cool scenes and music so far." But as the movie just kept trudging along past some seriously unexciting and eye-rolling numbers, I very slowly started to lower my expectations and rating. It wasn't until the very end when I very audibly said, "Oh my god, that can't be the end," and then the black screen came. The credits started rolling, and I just stood up. My face was literally down and I just felt depressed. I was the only one in the theater, by the way. Walking to the car, I couldn't believe what I just saw.

I'd say there's less than 10 actual minutes of P.T Barnum doing fantastical things on a stage. The rest of the movie is drama between him, his family, some European singer whom he takes on tour which causes further drama with his ensemble of freaks, and then Zac Efron's absolutely pointless subplot trying to get with one of the performers. There's so much the movie tries to tackle, and yet doesn't develop any of it, and then forgets the main reason people are there in the theater in the first place: To see the big dance numbers with jukebox music. I understand, this movie is really just about Barnum's life (When it actually isn't) and not about the big musical numbers, but if you're going to sell your movie on being a Luhrmann-esque musical, at least try to deliver on some of that. And if you won't do that, at least make your movie interesting to watch. There's the whole thing with Barnum's daughters, wanting to give them a good life, then there's his greed and wanting to become better than what he was, then the tour with the singer, then there's fulfilling what his wife wanted in their initial marriage (She has no character development the whole fucking movie, by the way, she's wasted), then there's gathering the freakshow people, then there's meeting Zac Efron, then there's Zac's sub-plot, and just, god, there was so much tapped into, but unused fat. This is actually a case where I would've preferred a four-hour 60's style musical epic, just so we could flesh out all of these ultimately pointless scenes. Some are genuinely interested. I wish there was like a big confrontation with the protesters, there KIND of is, but not much.

There's this other part where a critic comes to Barnum about the show, and honestly, he was the most interesting and sound character the whole movie, not even joking. Barnum tries to write him off as a snobbish newspaper critic who hates fun, but later after Barnum's building is destroyed in a fire, the critic comes back to him a final time. His words are actually the focal-message to the entire film, the big message, "Even with your cheap and fake display, you had people up there, all shapes and sizes, yet treated as equals." This line didn't come from the propped-up "wise" Barnum, not his wife, not his children, not even one of the freaks... the freaking newspaper critic. There's a problem with your movie when your most interesting character is that guy. I could even forgive the gigantic sub-plot about the European singer if at least the editing and pacing was done better. I'd say roughly 1/3'd of the entire run-time is this scandal drama that Barnum gets into with this woman; it's so uninteresting. People say this movie is like a tribute to Luhrmann's musicals; oh fuck no, it absolutely isn't. If you pay attention to the creative choices in that Red Curtain Trilogy, the dialogue and camera movements are so wacky and crazy, even in some of the calmer moments. The only shots I remember from this are clearly the trailer shots from the first 10 minutes. All The Greatest Showman has are some decently-done musical numbers mixed in with some really bad and under-developed "character" scenes.

When I was listening to the song "This Is Me" before I saw the movie, I envisioned something much more grand and amazing than what I saw on-screen. I got this idea of like a big emotional performance on-stage by Keala Settle, during the circus tour or something. Or even what if this was to the protesters? Wouldn't that have been more emotionally engaging? Instead, this is just her walking into ball-room with all the rich people scoffing her. Sure, I get what they were doing, but it was not nearly as effective as it could've been, and there was no build-up to it. What if the song happened after a whole sub-plot of confrontations happened with the protesters? I don't know, just something better than the shit I saw. The opening sequence with Barnum as a kid is so rushed and over-looked, that the connections to that opening later on have no effect because it's so brushed over. There's a whole part with his wife that ties back to that opening, and it's longer than the opening itself, it's ridiculous. Let me ask you a question: Without looking up the IMDB or page here, can you name off any of the characters besides Barnum's family and Zac Efron? What's the bearded fat lady's name? Why is it that I'm not able to remember her outside her appearance and one song? Great job getting me attached to these freak-show displays. By the end of the movie, I'm still in the exact same place as when I entered, not moved or mentally changed.

@Jumpy, I'm jealous of the theater experience you had. Getting to laugh at the movie with a bunch of other people? Man, did I wish I enjoyed sitting through this, at least for the rights reasons. Just the fact I was actually bored by what I was watching is a testament to how much they fucked up. I'm really, seriously disappointed. Don't go into this movie expecting the circus. You're not going to get it. All you'll get is a boring fan-fiction of a much more interesting sounding movie. Maybe my imagination for The Greatest Showman was more than what they could deliver. Just unbelievable. I'm going to go watch Moulin Rouge! again, bye guys.

Wow, it's been a while since I've seen a movie, in the theater, with MoviePass. I guess they're finally making money off me. I'm back, re-energized, and glad I picked this to be my next watch. American Animals is the true story of four boys who got themselves into a bad situation. And by bad, it's stealing four books in hopes of something. They don't know what, just that doing it is something different from their menial lives, and it might make them rich. What makes this film so lovely is it's presentation of it's characters. It's part interviews, part recreation of the real events. How real? They actually call this out as a plot point. Spencer Reinhard says twice that he remembers the events differently from his friend, the ring leader, Warren Lipka, but they make this out as a crucial thing. They share both sides, but Spencer wonders if Warren was making up anything he was saying, further pushing the mystery of the story and questionable trust in each of their emotionally wrecked selves. Each of them are clouded by their own bias and viewpoints. Three of these kids don't even want to do the heist, while the in-over-his-head leader keeps persuading them to keep going. But once the heist happens, he breaks down just like the rest of them.

What I liked was there were no subplots or other nonsense clouding the focus of the story. It never jumps to other locations to see what other people's reactions were to what's going on, no filler with like the FBI investigating at their headquarters. What matters is the lead four's reception to what's going on. It puts in sub-textual perspective that they aren't thinking about real world consequences or their future with what they're doing. There's a great scene that keeps cutting between each of them, in their trance and mortified state after the heist is over, demonstrating the guilt and regret they're feeling for what they had done. They each snap at the same moment, but nothing what they each do matches physically or anything. They just all snap at the same time. There's this other little detail I like, before the first attempt at the heist happens, Spencer is sitting at a table and his pounding two little horse figures down repeatedly, making the sound of a tense heart beat. I could do commentary over the whole movie, but I want to wait for Bart Layton to do one on the Blu-ray. There's this little moment I caught where, okay, it's a montage of Spencer and Warren talking, but it keeps cutting between them in different locations, one of them sitting outside and another in the car. You know people sometimes bring back up conversations at later times. So, for this edit, Spencer is outside talking, but then his next line acts like he's in the car, and points up, saying, "Pull in here." It then cuts to him in the car at a gas station. It was a very quick motion, but very slick and thoughtful way of transitioning. The robbery is fast paced, heart pounding, and emotionally confusing twist of events. My heat felt like it was being physically stabbed repeatedly. I love Ole Bratt Birkeland's use of spinning camera motions, swerving back and forth to each character's reactions. This is a beautifully shot and orchestrated movie, you must check this out on the big screen.

Above all else, this is how you create a heist movie. It twists the genre a little, and understands how to subvert your expectations well, but I actually grew to care about the characters. Even if what they were enacting was morally wrong and illegal, the way this explores their heads in a clever and deeply relatable form, makes this a stand-out sleeper hit of 2018. One of the very best of the year.

Man, these Trump 2020 campaign ads are getting pretty elaborate.

I don't know how to rate this right now. It feels like The Room 2.0. So hilariously partisan with it's image of what a right winger looks like, while basically telling a story how a racist, misogynistic guy goes off to shoot cuck porn because he's desperate for pussy. It's almost so bad and outlandish with it's acting and scripting that I was laughing a good portion through. If you don't take this seriously, which I don't know how you could, you can get some fun out of this. It's also a classic crux of, "Everything you said is wrong, but I'm not going to explain why," sort of thing. Not the obviously misogynistic parts and the bits of clear mental illness, but the politics. Ronnie as a character shows no growth and stays the same from the start, to the end, only changing is his incite to violence. The mindset lingers though, which begs the question how this is social commentary. The amount of people like this main character that exist are astronomically slim, you can't help but feel the writing suffers from an forced perspective. The music is at least decent. Lambert, you may be the next Tommy Wiseau.