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Private Notes
Jack and Gary Cooper do a routine, and Cooper forgets his lines; he sings 'Bird dog' with the Sportsmen Quartet. In the sketch, Jack tries for the part of Cooper's twin brother in Cooper's next film; he comes to the auditions in elevator shoes and western costume, but chickens out when he realizes the part requires that he be beaten up in a barroom brawl. At the end of the show, he introduces Cooper's wife and daughter in the audience.
During Jack's monologue, the Announcers' Guild sends over a man to fill in for Don Wilson and do the commercial. He doesn't smoke, but Jack gives him a Lucky, and he loves it. Phil Harris leads the band in 'That's what I like about the South.' Jack hates the song and tries to make sense of the lyrics.
In the prologue, Marvin Miller appears at Dennis Day's door, and hands him a check for a million dollars. After the commercial, and Jack's monologue, Jack introduces Dennis, but he doesn't show. Instead, Jan and Arnie appear and sing 'The beat that can't be beat.' Jack then tries to phone Dennis, but has a hard time with the operator. He goes to Dennis' home and finds Dennis in a polo outfit, his mother dressed up, and Rochester working as his new butler. Miller returns, having given the check to the wrong person.
Mel Blanc plays a painter hired by Jack who likes to paint to music. Jack gets a new classical record in the mail; when he learns Blanc gets .50 an hour, he plays the fast side. Jack reads in the paper that the Committee for the Improvement of Beverly Hills is meeting with the mayor. Their current project is to get rid of Jack's Maxwell. They decide to hold a raffle and sell Jack the only ticket. Jack is finally persuaded to buy it, but then sells it to Blanc, who wins. Bob Hope and David Niven appear in a cameo at the end of the show.
Jack is driving to New Orleans for a benefit concert, and has advertised for riders in his car. Two crooks who want him to pick them up in front of a bank answer the ad. The Sportsmen Quartet sing 'Way down yonder in New Orleans.' Frank Nelson plays a mechanic bringing Jack's car back from the shop. George Burns wants to go with Jack and sing in the benefit concert. Mel Blanc and his wife want a ride, but quarrel over who will sit in the front seat. More and more people arrive wanting rides to New Orleans.
Jack is a nervous wreck. Oscar Levant, who is to guest on Jack's next program, convinces him to go to the doctor. While waiting for the doctor, Levant gets Jack to reveal the cause of his agitation: Frank Nelson.
In his monologue, Jack considers what he should give various members of his cast for Christmas. He introduces Gisele, and they talk about her recent trip to Europe. She sings a song in Italian. While Jack is backstage, Don introduces his son Harlow to Gisele, and she lets him do the commercial, which he keep interrupting in order to make advances to her. In the sketch, Jack puts a quarter in the coke machine, and gets a coke and two quarters back; the second time, the machine takes his money and gives him an empty coke bottle. Dennis appears to do a promo for his new Christmas album. Jack and Gisele do their customary violin duet. For a second piece, Gisele is to play a piano, out of which Red Skelton appears.
Jack takes a Christmas gift to be exchanged.
The show opens on Jack sweeping the set; he explains that he has a package deal, and anything he saves he can keep. He has Mary running the spotlight and Bob Crosby building sets. He does a monologue on his movie career. An old friend from Waukegan has asked Jack to help his daughter break into show business; she is an acrobatic dancer and cartwheels across the stage. Bob Crosby sings 'I don't care if the sun don't shine.' The sketch is a parody on Gaslight with Barbara Stanwyck.
Ernie shows Jack his moustache collection, and Jack tries some of them on. Don, dressed as a Beatnik, does the commercial with the Beatniks, to the tune of 'Beat generation.' In the sketch, Jack and Ernie are in a posh prison on Nob Hill in San Francisco; it is 1970, and Ernie is due to be released, but he doesn't want to leave the cushy life.
Jack goes to a night club and watches Danny Thomas' act.
Jack is delayed at the airport, and Dennis Day hosts the show in his place. Jack has used a cheap airline with no amenities to get from Florida to Los Angeles, and his baggage has been lost. Dennis sings Let there be love. Dennis and Don sing 'Nola' together for the Lucky Strike commercial. Jack refuses to pay the eighty-five cents owed by the last person to use a phone booth, and winds up on a wanted poster.
Don does a magic act with Jack for the Lucky Strike commercial. Jack visits the Bergens' home. Frances sings 'Them there eyes.' First Charlie McCarthy and then Mortimer Snerd come into the room. Jack is amazed he had always thought they were dummies. Edgar Bergen does not arrive until the end of the program.
Jack's monologue is about being in New York again. Genevieve sings a song in French about Paris in the spring. The sketch is a courtroom drama in which Jack plays the prosecutor and Ed Sullivan plays Gentleman Jim Sullivan, the defense attorney, defending Genevieve on a charge of murder; the part requires Ed Sullivan to do lots of emoting. Don is the commentator. For the Lucky commercial, Benny introduces into evidence Luckies found in Genevieve's purse, and Luckies found at the scene of the crime; Sullivan demonstrates that everyone in the audience smokes Luckies.
