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Private Notes
After Jack's monologue he tells about his cruise to Hawaii with Rochester, where they encounter a series of characters on the ship Jack takes a nap and dreams that Marilyn Monroe is on board with him. Marilyn sings to Jack and tells him she is crazy about him. This was Marilyn's first appearance on network TV. The commercial consists of a Lucky Strike hula. First show of the 1953 season. Guest stars: Marilyn Monroe, Joe Kearns, Artie Auerbach.
One of Jack's elderly fans interrupts his monologue to request that he kiss her like he kissed Marilyn Monroe. Rochester comes out to tell Jack that an interviewer is waiting for him backstage. The Sportsmen Quartet do the Lucky commercial to the tune of 'By the light of the silvery moon.' In the sketch, Jack tells the interviewer about his childhood. In flashback, Jack plays his own father, arguing with little Jack over money, and playing in a string quartet.
Bob Crosby gets angry at Jack for cutting his song, and Don is upset because his commercial is to be cut. In the sketch, Jack plays a detective trying to get a confession out of 'Baby Face,' the killer, played by Bogart. Bogart is promoting his new picture Beat the Devil.
It is Rochester's day off, and Jack has to make his own lunch. Don arrives, and Rochester sings the commercial to him; they do a soft-shoe routine together. A messenger arrives with Johnnie Ray's contract for a guest appearance, and Jack is horrified to see that Ray wants $10,000. Jack goes to Ray's home to tell him off, and have him sing to see if he is worth the money. Ray sings 'Please don't talk about me when I'm gone,' and 'Cry.' Jack is devastated and agrees to Ray's price. At the end of the show, Danny Thomas makes a guest appearance to plug Make Room for Daddy.
While Benny is getting a haircut, he reads that Gregory Ratoff is planning a new production starring Irene Dunne and Vincent Price. Since he has always wanted to play against Irene Dunne, he goes to first Ratoff and then Dunne to try to get them to give him Price's part. He then invites himself to Dunne's house for the first rehearsal, which he disrupts by cracking walnuts and bungling lines.
Benny does a monologue on his Christmas gifts, then remembers last New Year's Eve: Mary is giving a party, but Jack is not planning to go because he has a date with Gloria. After the show, the cast gathers in Jack's dressing room. Crosby sings 'Let's start the new year right,' with the Sportsmen Quartet. Jack gets a call from Gloria cancelling their date. He refuses to go to the party, and instead wanders the streets alone, finally stopping for coffee at Nick's Cafe, where the waitress turns out to be Gloria. He goes home, where he and Rochester ring in the new year together.
Jack tries to call Liberace. Two operators, Gertrude and Mabel, talk about Jack. Jack finally decides to go to Liberace's home. The house is filled with candelabra. Liberace asks Jack to appear with him in concert. After Liberace performs solo, the two play 'September song' together, Jack on his violin.
Mary calls and says she is coming over because she has something delicate to discuss; Jack thinks she is going to agree to marry him at last, but she just wants him to stop being so cheap. He daydreams about what their 21st anniversary would be like if she would marry him: in the dream, he is a would-be radio actor who keeps house while his wife works; his daughter Joan plays herself.
Jack wants Helen Hayes to teach him to be a dramatic actor in her acting school. Jack gets his big break when Hayes receives a phone call and learns that one of her students is ill and cannot play in the class performance that night. Jack fills in. It turns out that the class is for children. Don does a singing commercial from behind the Lucky Strike window, just like Dorothy Collins.
Jack tells Don about the time his vaudeville act with George Burns and Bing Crosby played Scranton, Pennsylvania; the name of their act was Goldie, Fields and Glide. Benny tries to convince Crosby to appear on his program with Burns to do their old act, but Crosby wants more money than Benny is willing to pay. Cameo by Bob Hope. Crosby sings 'Gypsy In My Soul.'
Jack, George Burns, and Gracie Allen do the same sketch they did on the program of March 9, 1952. The Sportsmen Quartet do the Lucky commercial to the tune of the Black Ball Ferry Line.
Mel Blanc and Joe Besser play photographers who want to take Jack's picture. The Sportsmen Quartet does the Lucky Strike commercial to the tune of 'Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noonday sun.' The sketch is an English drawing room farce in which Jack plays Cecil Frothingham, England's foremost matinee idol, in love with Margaret Hayes, who is married to David Niven.
Bob steals Jack's pants in order to precede him onstage. Jack wears Don's pants, and Bob gives Jack's pants to Don. The sketch is entitled 'On the road to Nairobi.' The Sportsmen Quartet, in African costume, sings the Lucky commercial to the tune of 'Digga digga doo.' Jack and Bob enter and are eventually placed in a pot by natives, who have trouble lighting the fire. Martin and Lewis, in the audience, offer to supply a match.
