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Private Notes
Huntley and Brinkley open the show with a newscast on Benny's move to NBC, the network which used to carry his radio program, for this opening show of the season. Jack's monologue also concerns his move to NBC. Dennis brings his wife and nine children on stage. Don does the commercial. In the sketch, Jack meets with NBC executives and discovers that his new studio is a radio studio. Doug McClure and Roberta Shore from the Virginians make a cameo appearance. Then Jack does a sketch with the Marquis Chimps, in which they dress like the Beatles and sing 'I want to hold your hand' with Jack.
Jack receives a visit from his next-door neighbor, Lucille Ball. Lucy recounts her version of Paul Revere's ride, and a sketch unfolds with Jack as a gallivanting Revere, Lucy as his jealous wife Rachel, and Don Wilson as Washington.
Jack and his guest Andy Williams perform at the gala grand opening of a meat market. Andy sings "On the street where you live."
Two IRS agents visit Jack. They can't understand how he could have earned 375,000 dollars, and spent only 19 dollars on entertainment. Since one declared item was 3.90 (three dollars and ninety cents) to take Mr. and Mrs. Jimmy Stewart to dinner, they next visit the Stewarts. The Stewarts reveal that on the occasion in question, Jack saw them at their favorite restaurant, made them sit at his table with his waitress/girlfriend, told them he would pay, and then at the end generously let the Stewarts pay the whole bill so they could have the tax deduction. The 3.90 was for cleaning his suit after Gloria Stewart dumped the salad on his head.
When Bob Hope drops by, Jack comes up with what he's convinced is a great idea: The two should team up to cut a comedy record album.
In his monologue, Jack reveals that his producer has been using raffle tickets to get the audience to stay in their seats until the end of the program. He introduces Connie Francis, and they argue about whether it is harder to sing or to get laughs. She sings "I was born too late," an Al Jolson medley ("Swanee," "Mammy," and "April showers"). Don does the Alka-Seltzer commercial as an endorsement by a safe-cracker. In the sketch, Benny, Stevens, Dale White and Don Wilson play members of the Skinner family of the Ozarks. They all sing a parody of "Sit right down and write yourself a letter." This sketch is a remake of the "Ah, Wilderness" radio program of May 16, 1937.
Don introduces the show by announcing that the show must go on; Jack is brought out in traction in a hospital bed. Abbe Lane sings 'I believe in you.' Don says he needs his glasses to do the State Farm commercial; when he finds them, they include a funny nose and a State Farm sign. In the sketch, Benny plays a scientist living deep in the jungle trying to develop a non-skid banana peel. Abbe Lane plays his beautiful wife, who is sick of the rain, and Dennis plays his new assistant, Lawrence of Africa.
Jack's guests play three women from the Beverly Hills Improvement Committee who conspire to rid the city of Benny's Maxwell auto by holding a raffle and selling Jack the only ticket, so that he will win a replacement auto.
At a poker game at Jack's house with members of the band, Don and Dennis, the talk is all of the cat burglar terrorizing Beverly Hills celebrities. The State Farm commercial is heard on Dennis' radio. After the guests leave, it is revealed that Jack has been hypnotized into acting as a cat burglar, dressed up in a cat costume.
Rochester finally manages to get Jack to give him a week off by telling him how much he needs and deserves a vacation. While relaxing at the Palm Valley Inn with his friend Roy, he reads an ad for domestic help put in the paper by Jack. Don and Dennis come to Rochester's aid; discovering that Jack has already hired a housekeeper, they try to scare her off.
Jack's guests are comic Louis Nye and singer Wayne Newton, who describes how he was discovered at a benefit that was raising money to send "underprivileged" Beverly Hills children to camp--on the French Riviera. Newton sings 'You're nobody till somebody loves you,' 'Falling in love,' and 'When the saints go marching in.'
One of the alligators that guards Jack's secret vault falls ill, so Jack calls in a veterinarian.
Jack's usual amateur show: Mel Blanc plays the drunken bottle-player; Dennis Day plays a Japanese in a Beatle outfit who sings 'I want to hold your hand;' The Guire Sisters do their singing act.
Jack Does a solo show and while going out to the audience her asks Gisele Mackenzie To sing a song.
Guest Jack Jones sings 'Bewitched, bothered and bewildered,' and 'I need a girl.' In the sketch, Benny plays the principal of Benedict Arnold High School, and Jones is a moonlighting teacher working as a car washer.
In the opening monologue, Jack shows the audience why his Stradivarius is worth $30,000. He introduces Milton Berle and they spar a bit. Don introduces Miss Carmelita Montoya, a dancer from Madrid who uses One-a-Day Brand Vitamins for castanets. The sketch is about Jonathan Goodheart (Jack), wealthy philanthropist who believes there is no such thing as a bad boy, but his newly adopted son (Berle) gives him cause to wonder.
In the sketch, the Kingston Trio join prisoner Benny in the Tijuana jail. The Kingstons sing 'Tijuana Jail' and 'I'm going home.'
The show opens with the audience in line to see the show comparing notes on how they got their tickets. Jack's monologue is about his trip to Australia. He introduces Australian singer Luray Dudman(?) who sings 'Wouldn't it be loverly.' Jack and Luray compare the U.S. and Australia. Don asks Luray whether you lose or gain a day when you cross the international date line on the way to Australia; he is concerned because he doesn't want to miss a One-a-Day Vitamin. Luray asks how Jack first got the idea of using the Marquis Chimps on his show. In the sketch, Jack remembers the first visit he paid Detroy after seeing the act in Las Vegas.
Jack introduces cameraman Charlie Summers and his new wife from the audience; she asks why Charlie has never had a raise. Jack's guest is Stuart Canin, who, as a 10-year-old violin prodigy, could play the Bee better than Jack and did so on Fred Allen's show. He is now Professor of Violin at Oberlin. He plays Vida breve by Manuel de Falla on the Stradivarius. Don Wilson introduces a man with a rocket pack, radar, a telephone, a direction finder, and a record player who wants to be a State Farm agent. In the sketch, Jack plays the violin-maker Antonio Stradivari, whose wife complains that he could make more money by turning out his violins at a faster clip. Jack and Canin play the Bee in duet.
Jack's monologue concerns TV ratings. He is interrupted by a member of the audience from Toledo who wants to take a picture of his family with Jack. Don does the One-A-Day Brand Vitamins commercial with one member of the family. Dennis sings 'Chicago is my kind of town.' In the sketch, Jack plays a Sultan visiting one of his villages. Jack's crew had devised a flying carpet that was supposed to fly, but it fails to do so; to cover up, a troop of acrobats takes over; Jack, worried about being upstaged, goes out to stop them, and is incorporated in their act. The show ends with Jack hanging from the stage rigging about 15 feet off the ground.
Rochester explains the rules to the new housekeeper; the main one is that they must watch Benny's show. In Benny's monologue, he explains how he keeps fit, and announces that the American Federation of Musicians has given him a one-way ticket to Australia. Dennis Day sings the State Farm Insurance jingle, and then "If ever I would leave you," to a running commentary by Rochester and the maid. Rochester tells her about the time Benny fired Dennis Day: in flashback to the radio days, Dennis suggests they all drive to Palm Springs for the weekend, where it rains the whole time.
Jack brings his aging guard up from his underground vault for the first time in years.
At the rehearsal for his show, Jack keeps making mistakes. Don does the State Farm commercial with a drum covered with paper: you can't beat State Farm. Because Jack has been complaining that he is working too hard, the Programming Department has found a double for him; however, the sponsor must never know, and they decide they must fool Rochester if they want to fool the sponsor.
Jack's first partner, who worked with Jack as a variety team in the Navy, is retiring. He wants to hold Jack to a promise made forty years ago that they would work together again when he got out. Jack tries him out on his show, but he can't say his lines, and his old routines are too corny.
The show opens with Jack's publicity agent and a photographer posing photos of Jack, first as a Beatle (for a younger image), and then as a frogman and as a surfer (to depict Benny as a man of action). Dennis sings 'There'll be music' while Don plays the piano. When the photographer poses Don and asks him to think of the most exciting thing in the world, Don gives a bigger smile thinking of State Farm Insurance. When Dennis mentions that he cashes his check at the gas station, Jack takes him to the bank to open an account. There he visits his private safety deposit vault, which is guarded much like his vault at home.
Jack is berating his publicity agent for not getting him dignified publicity, when the agent gets a phone call informing him that Ronald Reagan won't be able to make his scheduled appearance on the Impromptu panel discussion show. Jack insists that his agent get him on the show. Dennis arrives looking for a ruby lost from his ring; he thinks he has found it, but he has found a One-a-Day Brand Vitamin, allowing Don to do the commercial. On the show, Jack can't think of anything to say on various intellectual topics, until a question is asked about the affect on the American dollar of the fall of the British pound; Jack is still talking about money after the final credits have gone on, and the camera has been turned off.
Jack picks up his new, expensive, tailor-made suit in Beverly Hills. A State Farm claims person shows up in the store before an auto accident outside the store has even happened. Benny wears his new suit to his sponsor's home for dinner, where it is ruined by his sponsor's dog
The Smothers Brothers introduce the show trying to sing "Love in Bloom." Later, they sing "Boil that cabbage down" and "I never will marry." The sketch is set in London in 1944, after an air raid. Jack has been trapped under an unexploded bomb, and the Smothers Brothers play the bomb defusing squad.
