Maxine C.

Everything I saw at the cinema before I got hooked on movies. For a few years until 2002 I was too scared to go back. Look at me now, I'm seeing over 100 per year!

All of these films I saw at a time when the Odeon in Greenwich wasn't an Odeon, but a place called The Filmworks.

The year I was introduced to what the Museum of the Moving Image became and the cinema I rely on the most for big movies today. And I don't mean Cineworld. Go here to see the two events I attended: www.listal.com/list/my-earliest-trips-cinema

Yes, I even saw Son of the Mask. In the damn cinema.

Back then, I would see anything made for children but thought Corpse Bride would be too creepy until before it was released on DVD. Hey, the older the smarter, right?

This boring list at least starts with the first time I did a double bill.

Here's when I started getting used to seeing films not made for kiddies.

Oh man, I was on a roll this year.

Here's all I can remember seeing in the year 2010, the year I started getting hooked on cinema trips.

All the films I saw in the UK and outside in 2011.

Everything I saw before and after the world ended.

This year I saw nearly a hundred films. I don't know what's wrong with me either.

So, what's in store for me this year as we lack originality and even lose a few popular studios?

Over a hundred films, it seems. Look at what cinema has done to me.

Hollywood is running out of ideas for new worlds.

Everything you know is becoming a cinematic universe.

Adam Sandler and Michael Bay are still making movies to this day.

Foreign hackers have (almost) made it dangerous to poke fun at other nations.

It's the end of cinema as we know it.

Or is it?

After discovering probably the best-looking cinema in the UK, travelling to the west of America to see a 4D film about M&M's, finding the greatest film of the decade without being told so, finally finishing the Hunger Games trilogy one year later than it should have been and entering a new phase of Star Wars sans Jar Jar, who knows what could be better than all this forthcoming.

Well, here's all the films I've seen in 2016, a.k.a. doomsday for democracy, showbusiness and the world itself. At least the movies were good enough. Well, except for the second one on this list.

Practically the whole of your childhood is dead (including the Powerpuff Girls), bigotry has entered the White House, we are about to face similar problems for the same reason, and Pokémon have taken people out of reality and off of cliffs. It's no wonder I go to the cinema so many goddamn times. However, with all these disinteresting sequels and "original" concepts, I don't see that happening nearly as much as 2016.

As far as I know, there's no farting corpses, very little hot dogs, hardly any seagulls, no chance of cute 3D redheads and a bunch of gems I've already witnessed first at a festival. Until another festival can surprise me, be it Flare, Sundance, LFF or even the LIAF, the most notable experience I can think of as of yet is seeing who else will attend the My Little Pony movie.

One thing's for sure - there will be less to see than last year, and the rising interest in digital releases doesn't help (especially with the region cheats). Will there be another Carol like there was twice last year, not counting their UK releases this year? Or is 2017 just going to be the weakest year for film by far? Unless we act soon, it won't just be democracy that's dead.

Anyway, movies!

It’s my 25th year of existence. I survived the chaos. I can travel by myself on the overground, the underground and the bus. I know how to get myself to the ICA, I thirst for celluloid more than ever before, I have a lifetime membership at the Prince Charles Cinema and the BFI Southbank is screening animation all year round. Also, my favourite mainstream cinema now has reclining seats.

Right.

Let’s do this.

Woody Woodpecker. Dora the Explorer. Angry Birds (best video game movie ever). Rivers of penguins. Giant, fluffy puppies. Baboons in space. Shazam flosses. Hulk dabs. Emperor Nero raps. People and Pokémon merged. People and cats fused. Aliens smoking the damndest things. Hayley Bennett pooping the DAMNDEST things. Zombies like coffee. Zombies like cabbage. Dildo blade. Death by horse. The rich explode. Lesbian painter. Lesbian vampire painter. Jay and Silent Bob. Good Burger in 35mm. Space Jam in 35mm. Polynesian Jew Hitler. Adam Sandler’s colon. Eldritch alpacas. Huge vagina. Talking dogs standing up to gentrification. Todd Phillips for Best Director. CGI Will Smith in 120 FPS. CGI Will Smith in a pigeon’s body. Gay anime. Straight Frozen. Adam Driver double bill. Two popes. In this economy? Makoto Shinkai drew a cat. In THIS economy? Danny DeVito is Awkwafina. Danny Glover is a horse. Rian Johnson wins. Star Wars loses. Rian Johnson next to me. Céline Sciamma in front of me. Bong Joon-ho, in my presence, in a scarf! Oh, and so much horrible crud has been happening in real life, Disney owns everything and Britain, not to mention the free internet, are damned for eternity. You in the US of A should feel lucky your president is going to prison but as for us, there’s nothing left for us to do. There’s just no hope left. Boomers win.

And if all of that didn’t sound wild enough, I discovered I’m trans.

Hail Satan, amirite

A decade of death and damnation has passed, and now we move onto another. But hey, I’ve given up all hope in enough of these diaries’ forewords. Isn’t it best that I keep my spirits up rather than dwell on the negatives? I’m going to start gender therapy and, if I decide this is right for me, hormones soon! I may finally get a job! Bob’s Burgers has a movie! Trump is going to court! Republicans may stay in office! smack Boris is going to emerge victorious! smack Great Britain will go down in flames! smack The free European internet’s going to die! smack Disney may control the whole corporate landscape and the world by 2029! smack The world is going to bloody end! smack I’m going to hit my 30’s! smack smack smack

But this can’t actually be the end of cinema, right? Sure, all hope may be eradicated from this planet forever, but at least I have my own future and a new age of cinema to keep me company through these doomed times! I just hope I won’t be as addicted, what with all the repertoires. Let’s just see what surely wondrous 2020 vision (and sound) is in store for me, okay?

in order of how dearly I'm holding onto them!

(sips coffee)