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Private Notes
Open world games are everywhere, and it's getting really stupid. You can tell they're happening just to follow a trend as well, since so few open world games manage to justify actually being open world.
There are blatant clues found in many of these desolate sandboxes, and we're going to talk about them and why they're making videogames rubbish.
With Pokemon Snap finally arriving on the North American Wii U Virtual Console, it's time to get something off my incredible tits.
Let's talk about Nintendo's terrible VC release structure.
The Nintendo Switch Presentation revealed more details about March's Wii U successor and... it was okay. The presentation was okay.
However, it wouldn't be Nintendo without some frustrating, infuriating caveats, so let's see how they ballsed this one up, shall we?
Battleborn is not the only 2K Games release to have suffered indignity this generation. Evolve, more famous for its DLC model than anything it did as a game, was another multiplayer shooter that failed to do anything better than fail.
The fate of Evolve serves as a cautionary tale to any would-be project banking on additional content to make its money. Audience goodwill is a finite resource, and when you push for excess at the expense of quality, you might just find out how finite it is.
What do Resident Evil 7 and Bravely Default have in common?
Let The Jimquisition explain, as we celebrate the return of a good Resident Evil game!
GameStop, it's time to sit before The Jimquisition and listen to the charges brought before you. Lament, ye sinner, and may God have mercy 'pon your rotten soul.
Also, your Circle of Life thing is broken bullshit, as is your whole working relationship with the game industry. Shove THAT in your circle.
Greenlight is finally dying after years of promises, to be replaced by... a thing.
Steam Direct is Valve's latest attempt at finding a content-to-quality balance. What does your ol' pal Jim think? Let's find out!
Oh no, The Jimquisition is making itself a smarmy point again.
Sick and tired of Nintendo's repeated attempts to steal from him, your old pal Jim Sterling explains why it's perfectly morally fine to rob the company blind.
I am the videogame critic they tried to sue for $10 million.
I've kept relatively quiet for almost a year while a spurious and disgusting libel lawsuit was spuriously filed in an attempt to disrupt my life.
Now I get to talk.
Welcome to the furmily, son!
This is the story of Fur Fun, a rubbish Banjo-Kazooie ripoff that was bought by a YouTuber and turned into a hot shitting disaster.
Let's look at Fur Fun, Dalasreview, and the copyright takedown strikes issued in their name.
A flashier title for this episode would've been "Bait & Switch" but I had to dispense with style for something that lays it all out there.
While people are having fun licking Switch cards and Breathing the Wild, your pal Jim Sterling is dealing with another - yes ANOTHER - utter chancer.
Let's see what the fun folks at STICLI Games did when they tried to accuse a critical video of trademark violation.
The first portion of this video is some performative yelling about weapon durability, specifically in The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.
The second portion is about something less durable than any weapon in any game - the psyches of Zelda's most viciously defensive fans.
I realize this will reinforce the "Sony Shill" thing (which is ironic if you've known me long enough to remember when I was the "anti-Sony bias Nintendo shill"), but Horizon: Zero Dawn's success is worth talking about.
The game's doing well, and while those who loyally defend plastic machinery might think otherwise, that's a good thing for everybody. Yes, even if you're putting all your stock in the Switch.
The Jimquisition takes time out from personal, embittered, GAF thread-locking drama topics and reheats a favorite kitchen dish - let's slow roast some asset flips for maximum flavor!
From familiar zombies to a tragic arachnid with a great past and no future, we look at the most overused assets money can buy, and warn Steam Direct to look for the telltale signs of a bad, bad developer.
Your ol' pal Jim Sterling was at Valve HQ to talk about Steam's future, including Steam Direct, Curators, and what to do about certain fucknuts.
Presented for your enjoyment is my assessment of the meeting and my thoughts toward the future of Steam and potential LACK of future certain fucknuts have.
Persona 5 should be reveling in its critical acclaim right now, but it's mired in a bit of bad press thanks to its publisher's attempt to control post-launch video content.
An honest case of trying to protect an audience from spoilers, a ludicrous overreach from an out-of-touch company? Both?
Both, obviously.
Oh, Atlus. You really shouldn't have...
Oh Gearbox, will you ever learn?
So the great minds running the Bulletstorm: Full Clip Edition scene decided to compound its ludicrous MSRP by partnering with G2A. Yes that G2A, the notoriously scummy one that profits from fraud.
How did that turn out, and what does it say of this industry that it happened in the first place?
Let's find out together, you POG freaks!
Every game blog wants to make a name for itself, but that desire can sometimes be fulfilled in a most undesirable way. I mean, look what happened to Brash Games!
It doesn't pay its writers, it revokes author credits when people leave, and its owner has over a decade of duplicitous, shady shit to answer for.
A number of us pooled our resources and drew on many anonymous sources to blow this publication wide open and oh dear is there some grimy shit pooling in its guts.
How exactly do less scrupulous blogs get deals with casino websites to lace their articles with unsubtle advertisements?
Who is pulling the strings, what sort of money changes hands, and what exactly are Casinos looking for when they ask for "SEO Juice?"
The Jimquisition went deep to blow this mother.
Look, we all know about the NES Classic's discontinuation by now. That's not worth rehashing.
Instead, let's heal these wounds and look at the ways in which Nintendo could show it truly was sorry. That's what Reggie said. He said they were sorry.
The Jimquisition is ready to forgive... with conditions.
I'm sorry if you're tired of hearing about Brash Games or its owner, Paul Ryan (Not That One).
Unfortunately, those who were recently part of his libelous, treacherous, potentially illegal manifesto don't have a choice.
And now the Cleaner Is Come.
Mario Kart 8 Deluxe is fantastic, and everybody knows it.
There's less of a consensus on its "Smart-Steering" option, an accessibility feature that some argue against because it's an accessibility feature.
Demos aren't exactly fashionable, and Prey not having one on PC is technically a non-issue.
Or it would have been, had Arkane's reasoning not been so thoroughly and astoundingly wrong. At least when you think about it more than Arkane has.
Bonus Content: Elite Gaming Wisdom with Duke Amiel Du H'ardcore.
As The Jimquisition gears up for change, we're reminded that some things stay the same - like spurious YouTube copyright threats.
World of Tanks' very own Wargaming.net has been misusing words like "defamation" in order to try and scare its own community... and it's time for an expert to step in.
Because this isn't about World of Tanks... this is about OUR shit being fucked with. Again.
New Jimquisition, Old Grudges.
It's time for another of our grisly post-mortems, as we pick up the rusted scalpel and cut open Modern Warfare Remastered.
Here's how Activision turned one of the most influential shooters of all time into the worst game of last year.
Bonus Content: Oh, Ubisoft!
Few things piss off your humble Jim Sterling more than executive speak.
Well, a lot of things do, but executive speak is fucking insulting anyway.
Steam Greenlight, while once a promising and perhaps even noble endeavor, became a shitting tip in a year.
Greenlight, aka Greenblight, aka Memelight, a service that did not so much open the floodgates as pull them off the hinges and sell the bastards for scrap metal.
Now it's gone, so let's give it the funeral it deserves!
Take-Two Interactive sent a cease-and-desist letter to popular modding tool Open IV.
With reasons spurious and methods nasty, the jealous protectorate of GTA Online has overreached in its decision to attack mods.
The Jimquisition names its inaugural Winners & Losers of E3!
What killed? What died? We celebrate and jeer what Xbox, PlayStation, Nintendo, Bethesda, Electronic Arts, and Ubisoft had to offer.
First and foremost, The Jimquisition went to Mississippi Comic-Con and I got roughed up by Jason Voorhees.
Of lesser importance is our main story. Cross-platform play is being embraced by both Microsoft and Nintendo. As with mods, Sony's being a spoilsport again.
As Minecraft and Rocket League let Xbox One and Switch players interact, PS4 folks once again get stuck with inferior products.
The past week and change has been chaotic in certain sectors of videogame YouTube. Copyright strikes, mental health issues, legal trouble and more erupted around the otherwise unassuming shooter, Starr Mazer DSP.
And while anarchy ruled the roost, YouTube itself let it all happen.
This week, "The Phantom of River Oaks" brings you a classic Jimquisition with a fresh coat of paint. Let's step back into 2013 and hear the timeless story of rival pasta sauce families.
Let's not beat about the bush. Valve can fix Steam's nastiest problem, but it involves showing some authority.
Valve may hate to put the boot down, but if you want to stop having Digital Homicides, Dentolas, or Fun Creators, you need to look at their behavior, not the games they're making.
Bonus Content: Life Haxz with Jim Sterling
Unity has an image problem, but who is to blame? According to at least one developer, it's the media's fault. Fake news!
But Unity, now linked heavily to some of the worst games in the world, really doesn't seem to care, that might be the real heart of the issue.
Bonus Content: Oh, Ubisoft!
As a nice treat, we're going on a field trip today. Come with me to Hell, as we scour the underbelly of the PlayStation Store.
The Power of PlayStation, it turns out, is a dark and foreboding power indeed.
Bonus Content: Life Haxz with Jim Sterling
In the world of videogames, even spiders need to be sexy, because Heaven forbid even Shelob be allowed her ugliness.
When Shadow of War isn't busy introducing loot boxes, it's redesigning spiders in a way that reinforces some unfortunate ideas.
Oh sorry, did you think we were NOT going to look at microtransactions coming to Shadow of War?
Did you think the appearance of loot boxes for a single-player game would escape my Sauronesque eye?
Did you really think I'd not take EVERY opportunity to bash something Warner Bros. has done?
If you don't know me by now...
We Happy Few has slowly transformed since it first arrived on Early Access, but its latest metamorphosis was sudden and jarring - it's a "AAA" game now.
Gearbox acquiring the title, and the effect it's had on the game, demonstrate that "AAA" is not so much about the funds or the studio, but about the culture.
Now take your Joy, and appreciate that I'm Undertale canon.
Bonus Content: Fuck Konami News
PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds is the latest Early Access darling, but like Ark and Darkest Dungeon, it's learning that such a status comes with caveats.
Hot off the heels of its "Stream Sniping" ban wave, Battlegrounds' recent microtransaction indulgence raised eyebrows and pitchforks both.
Also, loot boxes really are the worst.
Bonus Content: Oh, Ubisoft!
Those paid mods that Bethesda said weren't paid mods turned out to be paid mods and also worse than paid mods.
The Creation Club has gifted a bounty unto Fallout 4, and it looks like things are little too much like microtransactions and mods got welded together horrifically.
It was sincere and touching, and that's all it should've been, but the decision to charge for content honoring the late Mike Forgey altered the conversation.
Alright then, let's get into this mess.
Tmartn and ProSyndicate were believed to have done naughty things, but they've been scientifically proven innocent thanks to FTC findings.
That IS how it works.
Oh, and just before we were ready to wrap, PewDiePie went ahead and did something shit. Again.
Sometimes, independent developers ask my advice on certain practices. I can only say what I like, but I'll say that for free.
Here are the clearest cut ways to avoid being a wanker in the freemium market, as one dev was curious to know. I think this happens to be quite a fine episode.
Speaking of wankers though, we also gotta talk about Randy.
You want a positive Jimquisition? You want praise? You don't want to hear about microtransactions for a week?
Just so happens we had something prepped. The Jim giveth as much The Jim taketh, good friends.
Let's look at Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice and delight in the success that could prove a game changer.
Because of The Plague, your regularly scheduled Jimquisition is running late. However, we try to never miss a Monday, so enjoy a remaster!
Games get focus tested out the arse, and it can dramatically impact how they're made or sold. The problem is, most focus tests are total bollocks.
This one has... been a long time coming. The unscripted part at the end has... been a long time coming.
How long does YouTube itself have? Long enough, I reckon, to fuck up a hell of a lot more between now and whenever it gets what it deserves.
Oh shit, I said fuck in the video description. I guess no sexual penis is going to want to vaginally advertise with my anus video now. What a load of LGBTQ areolas.
I'm often told that videogames have be a mess of greed-fueled bollocks because the $60 price tag never raised along with inflation.
This is crap. It's a myth. Games stopped costing $60 a long time ago.
This week's episode is brought to you by Sterdust, a totally original wrestling persona that WE OWN. We OWN it, WWE!
Anyway, in an industry of liars, even the good guys lie, and those lies can be good lies.
But what happens when lies become so commonplace and acceptable? Well then the bad guys lie... and they can't understand why they're not the good guys.
Activision's patented idea of utilizing matchmaking to trick players into buying DLC is an unsettling one, but if you think that's as bad as it gets, you don't know videogames.
Let's talk about Scientific Revenue, the service that demonstrates exactly what games want from you - they want to turn players into payers... and they proudly admit it.
The predatory side of gaming has only just begun to show its fangs.
Visceral Games is closed, and Dead Space may be no more. During this spooky Halloween time, let's look back at the rise and sad fall of a wonderful series.
You can't spell DEAD without EA, after all.
After EA murdered Visceral and "pivoted" its Star Wars game, there has been much talk of the death of single-player games.
The Jimquisition explains just how long this debate has lasted, and why single-player is doing okay.
Bonus Content: Oh, Ubisoft!
This is the year loot boxes came to gaming in a big way.
Encouraged by Overwatch, "AAA" publishers went all-in on destroying their games in the name of easy money.
And no, Blizzard, you're not special. You deserve as much blame as EA, Activision, Ubisoft, 2K Games, WB, and Microsoft.
In fact, j'accuse!
Yours truly may have many negative things to say about Nintendo, but there's no denying the Switch has had a phenomenal year.
Also, Sterdust returns, and has something to say to Pro Wrestling Ego.
Star Wars Battlefront II was a bit of a misstep, huh?
EA is licking its wounds after the massive loot box backlash, but there's little time to heal.
They got too greedy to fast, and now legislators are interested in games... and gambling.
We've had much of 2017 to see what Steam Direct has done for Steam.
Since Steam Direct turned out to be a complete farce, it's safe to say it ain't done a lot. You need not take my word for it either.
Also, Sterdust accepts a challenge from Pro Wrestling Ego.
Look, I enjoy Skyrim a hell of a lot. That's no secret. But there comes a time where every Skyrim has to admit, y'know, fuck it.
Any Valve-related game that isn't explicitly Half-Life 3 will ignite the Internet for days with insulted fury.
To save time and souls, The Jimquisition argues for acceptance and an overdue execution for Half-Life 3.
The episode we all knew was coming. The Jimquisition at last smashes into the "It's Just Cosmetic" argument with a bulldozer.
Many will defend certain types of microtransaction and loot box by claiming if they sell only cosmetic DLC, it's fine. Cosmetics "don't affect gameplay" and therefore anything goes.
This is rubbish. Cosmetics absolutely impact gameplay, and to argue otherwise is to heap insult upon games as a medium.
This year, SIX games have been selected by your good ol' Jim Sterling as the finest clumps of interactive entertainment released this year.
Big and small, weird and wonderful, Jim Sterling presents the irrefutably BESTEST EVER games of the year... EVER!
