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Private Notes
This week, we look at the horrible ways in which publishers have mutilated Tetris over the past few years.
A game so simple and codified, it should be impossible to screw up, this industry has nonetheless given it a damn good go.
Let's talk about virtual reality, yaaaay!
With the Rift selling out at $599, there's been a lot of smack talked between those who pray at the altar of VR, and those who wish the whole thing would go away.
Both these camps are talking shite. The Jimquisition knows what's up.... as ALWAYS.
Two years ago, The Jimquisition said Square Enix was planning to break its games into pieces. Here we are with a carved-up Final Fantasy VII remake and Hitman.
So today, I go back to my sources and find out even more. Why is Square Enix doing this? What was the great panic at the end of the last generation that led to more episodic content? And why are there so many remastered rereleases?
The Jimquisition has the answer.
There's nothing wrong with episodic games. Not on paper, anyway. There's plenty wrong with the current crop of entities eyeing episodic games up, however.
Last week, some people assumed I thought episodic content was, itself, a problem. This is not the case. Let's look at what the actual problem is.
Good Old Games is joining the Early Access bandwagon with its Games In Development program. Unlike Early Access, however, GID looks like it won't be total crap.
Let's look at what GOG is doing, and use it as excuse to dump all over Early Access again. Yes, that seems a fine idea!
It's 2016. If you can't get a PC version of your game running to a satisfactory degree by now, you're an absolute failure and you should just sod off.
Truly, shit like the recent Tales of Symphonia nonsense has gotten far beyond a joke.
It's been a while since we had one of our delightful little Steam Stories, but the makers of Cat Simulator bring us a taught tale of failure and misrepresentation.
Good thing too... it's been a real slow news week!
I swear this is NOT yet another episode about Steam Early Access! It's actually about Street Fighter V, and games of a similar ilk.
It's just a really, really good title for the episode this week, as we talk about "AAA" games released in a deliberately unfurnished state with content promised later down the line.
God damn, is Early AAAccess a great title, though.
The Jimquisition joins the throng of YouTube content makers asking a very simple question - where's the fair use?
YouTube has been going into takedown overdrive this year, and there's a palpable fear among video makers as they wonder who's next.
It's gotten beyond ridiculous.
Plants Vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare 2 has become one of my favorite games, and that should make me happy. I mean, it does... but it's sort of depressing.
When AAA games come out and give you everything you expect, it's a cause for celebration. That we DO celebrate when things do what they're supposed to is indicative of a problem.
But seriously, I really love that game about flowers and corpses.
No Man's Sky is retailing for $59.99 and people have some angry concerns over the price tag. That folks are skeptical of the standard rate is good... but they're skeptical for the wrong reasons.
Let us not think like "AAA" companies when it comes to indie games and their place in the world. If we're going to look at pricing models, let's not miss the forest for the trees.
Microsoft is pushing for dominance in PC gaming with its Universal Windows Platform, and it's not being entirely nice about it.
After outcry from Tim Sweeney and Durante, your old pal Jim Sterling joins the voices decrying Windows' walled garden as a really, really bad idea.
Shut up, Chip!
The Division was the last straw. After poking fun at Ubisoft's overuse of the word "iconic" for years, your old pal Jim Sterling has encountered the straw to break the camel's back.
Someone get this company a thesaurus. Please.
The news that Star Fox Zero would feature an invincible mode encouraged an almost predictable onslaught of outrage from the Hardcore Gamers who are Hardcore.
The idea of hand-holding and dumbing down has been a contentious topic for years, but if you scratch away the surface, there's another concern that just isn't hidden well enough.
The concern of an exclusive little club not being so exclusive anymore.
Dark Souls III is out now in Japan, but the rest of the world has to wait until April 12... unless they get the full English version from Japan's Xbox Live store.
It's a silly situation, and Dark Souls is not a series that benefits from staggered releases at all. Let's look at this whole bollocky shitstorm.
There's talk of a new Xbox and PlayStation on the horizon, but not brand new consoles - not quite, anyway.
Incremental upgrades are the talk of the town, as consoles look set to take another leaf from PC gaming's book.
Is the idea of an Xbox 1.5 or a PlayStation 4K a good one? Kinda... but not the way this industry will likely do 'em.
Git gud or go home! That's what a super hardcore Dark Souls fan will tell you. But is that fair?
Dark Souls III, like all Dark Souls games, is being marketed on its difficulty, and the audience swallows that idea up. However, it's reductive and misguided as far as I'm concerned.
And ain't no amount of hot wing contests will change that.
It's a savage episode this week as the champions of crunch are taken to task.
Following a fairly appalling article from Alex St. John, The Jimquisition tears into the idea that forcing game devs to work long hours without compensation is somehow a good idea.
It's not a good idea. In fact, it's total bollocks.
If you cannot stand to hear criticism of Nintendo games, you might want to skip this one. Consider that your content warning.
This video does not even entertain the possibility that the controls for Star Fox Zero are anything other than total garbage trash.
The system doesn't work, so break it some more. That's the idea behind the Copyright Deadlock, a petty scheme that highlights the absurdity of YouTube's ContentID system.
How can three corporations own a single video? Well, three apparently own THIS one. Konami, Nintendo, and Rhino all believe they own this episode.
Two of them want to monetize it.
How does that work? Let's find out!
Yes, we're talking about Dark Souls III again, but I can promise I'm not just giving it a big hard wank this time. We've actually got something to piss and moan about.
Cheating is rampant in Lothric, and the folks at Namco and From are doing dick-all to deal with it properly. In fact, their response so far has done more harm than good.
Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Remastered is only available as part of Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare's special edition bundles.
This is, obviously, bullshit.
It's also Call of Duty though... y'know?
Are we too nice to indie games? It's a question I've thought about for years since I first saw it posed.
Seriously... I've had this topic saved up for three years when I first wrote about it.
The game industry stopped being super bullshit juuuust long enough for me to finally squeak it in.
The new Doom is good. That's not really a secret anymore, it's basically scientific fact.
id Software's surprising triumph is full of great details, but by far the crowning achievement is the way it portrays the player character.
Let us celebrate the Doom Guy!
Overwatch's success is nothing short of remarkable, sparking a fanbase that was zealous long before the game was even released.
This popularity has been manifested in fan art, cosplay, and... porn. Lots of porn.
Porn that indicates a welcome resurgence of personality and artistry in the videogame industry... in its own dirty way.
Battlefield 1 has turned a lot of heads. Its announcement video is the most liked trailer on YouTube. Hell, even I'M interested in it.
Electronic Arts executives, however, didn't want it to happen, which is sadly true of a lot of executives in this industry. People who know nothing, yet are paid to control everything.
They're idiots, and we'll never know what potential future successes they killed in the womb.
Overwatch is one of my favorite games of the year, but I cannot in good faith consider awarding it the title of "best" game.
My long-running policy of disqualifying premium games with microtransactions in them is consistently enforced, but it's pissed off a lot of Blizzard fans.
As an attempt to bring understanding to such furious souls, I offer my full problem with Overwatch's fee-to-pay mechanics and the failure of its loot boxes in general.
One of the best things about E3 is going on Twitter and ripping the piss out of it. Been doing it for years. It's hilarious.
Some people, however, take umbrage with such chicanery, and demand it be stopped.
Because I apparently hate myself, I'm talking about gender-related stuff in videogames. So I'VE got a fun day lined up!
Anyway, Link's not a girl, Zelda isn't playable, and Nintendo's reasons for this situation are total bollocks.
And that's my problem. Not the situation. The bollocks.
Let's see if this topic can spark the same nuanced and interesting influx of fresh comments that the last one did.
It's time to talk about the amount of violence shown at E3. Critics chat about it every year, and now the time has come to join the fray.
Mighty No. 9 is out after three years of waiting. The fans got what they expected... but not at all what they wanted.
Time for a post-mortem then. Let's dissect this corpse and poke at the gooey bits inside.
Steam Greenlight was designed to let customers vote on the games that looked most appealing, that they most wanted to buy.
It was a noble idea and an interesting way to allow indie games a chance at recognition.
Unfortunately, the well has been poisoned and the idea perverted to allow all manner of unwanted shite onto Steam. There is one particular vector of infection that must be taken to task.
It's a "publisher" that calls itself YOLO Army.
So that whole thing about CSGO Lotto? The Counter-Strike gambling controversy? Pro Syndicate, TmarTn, all that stuff?
Yeah, I heard about that.
A year ago, we talked about how Evolve fell out of the "AAA" Bullshit Tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Turtle Rock's multiplayer game of predator and prey prototyped the current trend of unfinished games that used DLC like crutches, and suffered as a result.
Now it's back, completely free, and redesigned as Evolve Stage 2.
And that's... interesting.
Pokemon Go is a mundane game and a poorly made, unfinished app. It may very well be the best Pokemon game ever made, too.
Kind of. Sort of. A bit.
Either way, I can't get over my fascination with the thing's bizarre creative success.
Discussing emulation as a games pundit can be risky business - it's a taboo subject, and you can't be seen to endorse it even slightly.
However, the existence of emulation ought to be treated more importantly and taken seriously, especially when you consider how devalued a lot of older games can become.
Also this week - highlights from Sonic's 25th anniversary shitshow, and some amusing #FucKonami News.
You are feeling thirsty. You are feeling hungry. You are feeling tired.
You are bleeding. You are infected. You are dead.
Welcome to survival games - the neediest, clingiest, increasingly dreariest games in town.
Overwatch is in the news again, with a loot-flavored event that has made even a lot of the game's defenders raise their eyebrows.
Let's all just admit that no matter how much you might love Blizzard, it's still another fee-to-pay peddler at heart.
I'm pretty much done with talking about No Man's Sky ("do a Columbo, do a Columbo") - oh, one last thing....
Well here we are again. No Man's Sky isn't even cold yet and we've got Final Fantasy XV filling in with the unreal hype and ludicrous "fan" outrage.
Yet more messengers have been shot as a delay news story became another example of what happens when hype culture rots people's brains away.
After tearing into rabid fans, compliant media, and hype culture, there is one final element to No Man's Sky that I need to tackle - its creator.
I've spent time thinking about this one, digging through the archives, and weighing the arguments. Despite honestly wanting to move onto new subjects, I just had to ask...
... did Hello Games tell a naughty lie?
Deus Ex: Mankind Divided is yet another victim of this industry's unchecked avarice. It's an ironic victim at that, given the series' themes.
So, let's chat about the preorder bullshit and microshenanigans that inevitably dominated the game's post-launch discussions.
Oh... oh Square Enix...
Sterling's little birdies are tweeting secrets again, this time bringing the delectable stories behind Deus Ex: Mankind Divided's cash-grab elements.
How much warning did Eidos Montreal get about the microtransactions? Exactly why was Breach mode included? And what about the next Deus Ex game?
The Jimquisition has naughty secrets to share.
Oh look, YouTube did something that upset everybody again.
As videos are being flagged as inappropriate for monetization, all eyes are on YouTube's guidelines for "ad-friendly" content, as well as the crapshoot bots that unpredictably enforce them.
Because, y'know, automated systems are great at determining context.
The PS4 version of Fallout 4 won't be getting mods. Same goes for Skyrim: Special Edition.
Bethesda has revealed it was Sony's call, and that's no good. That's no good at all.
This episode is about Ark: Survival Evolved and its DLC controversy. That's all it's about.
There's nothing else I want to talk about, and I definitely don't mention any other subject but this.
There's trouble brewin' at the ol' YouTube Place... again.
Let's look at YouTube Heroes, a new way in which the video service aims to look like it's doing something useful, but really isn't.
If you see sinister political agendas where none actually exist, you might be a bit weird.
If you see a game with a woman in it and instantly write it off as "SJW propaganda," you might have a problem with more than just propaganda.
Frank is back! Well, not really. Capcom's calling him Frank West, but fans of his war coverage ain't buying it.
Dead Rising 4 is just one in a long line of games that discard voice actors like disposable cameras. Let's look at exactly why that's wrong.
Virtual reality has its cards on the table now. After waiting and seeing exactly how it would all pan out, it's time to deliver a verdict.
The verdict being that virtual reality is a bit toss, if I'm being honest.
Battleborn might go down in history as one of the most routinely humiliated big-budget games ever.
The wrong place, the wrong time, the wrong everything. Nothing went right for a game Gearbox once described as a "big bet."
What really sucks is that it was a good bloody game!
After spending almost an entire day downloading Mafia III on the PS4, I'm compelled to reflect on how consoles are lying inferior machines that properly fucked up.
A harsh reflection, perhaps, but a bloody true one. Their makers consider themselves in competition with PC, so they're asking for some harsh home truths.
Let's jump aboard the Nintendo Switch content train and hump it. Hump it until our genitals bleed!
Seriously though, we're talking about Nintendo's marketing this week, and the importance of visual communication when selling a product.
Also, #PerformanceMatters n' stuff!
As Bethesda proudly announces it will no longer provide review copies until the day before a game launches, The Jimquisition decides to deliver some hefty side-eyeing.
This news came just as your very own Jim Sterling found out EA considers him a "wild card" who isn't to be trusted with high profile games like Battlefield 1.
Game publishers have been steadily manipulating the review process for years, and when you consider how shitty the "AAA" game world's become... is it any bloody wonder?
The Jimquisition comes early and you didn't need to pre-order it!
Let's look at why Resident Evil 4 was a classic, why its writing stood the test of time, and what it can tell us about REVII.
... all with a little help from Dr. Crane.
Last year, the legendary Jimsaw Killer unleashed a rampage of terror within his dirty garage. The garage was never the same.
Long presumed dead, he's back for revenge... and microtransactions.
Trapped in an underground bunker, Jimsaw's latest victim must saw off his fingers and use them to "buy" his freedom.
Terror. Desperation. Mountain Dew. Boglins.
Suffering? You haven't seen anything yet.
Titanfall 2 is brilliant, but it doesn't look like luck (or an audience) has been on its side.
Let's look at why it all fell apart, and why this is a shitty thing in the wider scheme of things.
Five Nights At Freddy's is a mind-boggling success, but it wasn't always this way, and Scott Cawthon was not always a horror mastermind.
Adversity and a hell of a lot of criticism got Five Nights creator Cawthon where he is today, and on the second annual Jimdependence Day, we examine how.
Oh, Ubisoft! Watch Dogs 2 had to patch out some "particularly explicit" genitalia, and that's a big ol' laugh.
However, while one particular naughty bit is gone, others remain. Why is it okay for some, and not others? What's the difference?
A spirited Jimquisition (one of my new favorites, actually), discusses our attitudes toward penises and vaginas.
Nintendo's manufactured scarcity is a commonly known deal, and it's just getting beyond ludicrous.
The NES Classic is the latest farce, shipping to stores in pitiful numbers despite well-known demand.
Basically, Nintendo's a fucked up toymaker thinking everything it makes is a goddamn Hatchimal, whatever the hell THAT is!
Almost 40% of Steam's entire library was published this year. A single year.
It's time to once again give Valve a dressing down for its lack of standards, because why not? 'Tis the season!
Square Enix has a roadmap of significant post-launch updates to Final Fantasy XV, going so far as to pledge entire narrative additions.
The idea of patching in more story is interesting, and in FFXV's case it's even admirable. There is a downside to it, however, one that we ought to be mindful of.
The Jimquisition Awards 2016 are here! Five games, five awards, no Schick Hydrobot!
Let us look at the top five games of 2016 and get really, really pissy about them. Hooray!
