(706-word review) There were two things, more than anything else, at the front of my mind after finishing this film.
First.) It was a tad too long. The first one was similar, maybe longer, but I don't remember having the prominent thought of its length after it was over. That's likely because I was more invested; it was the first film, so everything about it was "fresh." But everything about it was the sort of thing that only works once; you can't/shouldn't repeat it, and that's what this film did: more of the same, more or less.
That made the length stand out more, on top of the slow start, the apparent attempt at coming across as well-put-together with the various angles and perspectives to the story instead of sticking to the three leads, and the underwhelming attempt at giving depth to Michael Bryce, which was lame and soiled everything else.
Second.) I was focused more on the soundtrack and trying to connect each song I liked to their respective scene in my head to find them later. That had more of my attention than the intended-to-be-serious-but-we'll-still-turn-it-comedic melodramatic story beats. Don't do lame stuff like that. It's a bore, making you roll your eyes.
Either be more competent with the humor and have a good balance with whatever else, including the tones, or go balls to the wall with the carnage and ridiculousness in an efficient manner. That element sucked the potential fun out of what could've been if the writers leaned more into the three leads as a trio.
Instead, it was a duo for the most part, comprised of romantic drivel between Darius and Sonia, with Michael side-lined a bit and the whole getting-my-license-back/backstory-ish mumbo jumbo, which was done for comedic effect (aka intended-to-be-serious-but-we'll-still-turn-it-comedic), and needless to say, it was done poorly.
As far as other aspects are concerned,
The fight choreography by Danko Jordanov (?) left plenty to be desired; however, the worst culprit regarding the lack of efficiency with the fight sequences was the choppy editing by Michael J. Duthie and Jack Hutchings, which was also erratic at times throughout the film, not only during the fight sequences.
The score by Atli Örvarsson was so-so. Disappointing due to his résumé; his score in the first film, barring remembering incorrectly, was the same. Maybe hearing each cue individually and by themselves will change the overall impact for me.
Terry Stacey's cinematography was the only half-decent aspect besides the soundtrack, thanks to Ryan Svendsen's appreciation-worthy work as the music supervisor. There are some beautiful shots, complimentary of the scenery.
Also, the other characters (Aristotle Papdopolous, played by Antonio Banderas; Bobby O'Neill, played by Frank Grillo; Crowley, played by Caroline Goodall; Ailso, played by Alice McMillan; Morgan Freeman's character; and the three supporting antagonists: Veronika, played by Gabriella Wright/Zento, played by Kristofer Kamiyasu/Magnusson, played by Tom Hopper, who'd make a good Westley if there's ever a remake of The Princess Bride and sounds similar to Henry Cavill) were all underwhelming, and a waste, adding to the feeling of tediousness.
Still, this film isn't devoid of being entertaining; the second half was undoubtedly superior to the first half, but the showdown(s) at the end was lame and reminiscent of the first half's mediocrity.
Some moments landed, like some of Bobby O'Neill's scenes ("Hey, Ivan Drago." - "What'd you say? What'd he say?" > "What the fuck did you just say?" - "Hmm. What do they call you?" > "Ailso." > 'Asshole'? - "Alright, William Wallace. Warm up the chopper." - "And if you don't understand what she says, well, welcome to the fucking club." - "You're gonna fist Kincaid's glory hole?"); the underutilization of Frank Grillo was criminal.
Oh, and what's that? Spoiler alert? Most of those moments that landed had Michael, Darius, and Sonia together on screen, like Michael's dream sequence and the final scene before the credits, except there were only a few within the total amount; even when the writers understood the point of the trio's vital importance to the film's enjoyment, they dropped the ball often.
Mild entertainment (if only slightly) without significant and efficient competence, especially concerning the utilization (or lack thereof) of your three leads, slam-dunk capable, yet the ball is dropped.
If you saw "The Hitman's Bodyguard" and enjoyed it, then, you kind of know what you're getting into for this outing. A continuation of Michael Bryce and Darius Kincaid's "complicated" admiration/revulsion relationship, interrupted by sporadic gunfire, car chases, explosions, near misses, not quite fatal hits, and the not infrequent focus on, and mentioning of, Salma Hayek's most visible assets.
The twist here is that Ryan Reynolds formerly AAA rated bodyguard Michael Brice has lost his license, and, along with it, much of his Mojo, which he is attempting to regain by taking a break from bullets', blood, and brain splatter, in order to find his TRUE self. Then, into the middle of his quest drops Sonia, Darius Kincaid's voluptuously volatile wife, throwing a full magazine and some big ol' GUNS of a monkey wrench into the works. Hilarity and exploding noggins ensue.
So far, so funny. But then, to give the endeavor some purpose other than to ogle Miss Hayek, and listen to Bryce whine for 99 minutes, , they have to "rescue" Darius from a former contract who took exception to him giving unauthorized pink slips to many of his former (now deceased) employees. Lots of yucks when Sonia uses her ample "skillz" to distract the baddies until she can dispatch them for "getting to fresh", and making her lose her blouse. Rescue successful, but rut roh Shaggy, in the process they offed an Interpol snitch, who was going to deliver up the main baddie, introduced at the beginning of the film, played by a caricature of Antoino Banderas. In what could have been a bright spot, the fish out of water Interpol agent is played by none other than Frank Grillo. Alas, they literally give him NOTHING to do, but, since they screwed up his operation, he tasks our trio with taking over the mission.
All goes well until Bryce is recognized at the exchange by a former client, who is VERY hyped to see him, and thus blows their cover. Bullets', blood and brain spatter once again ensues, until Bryce saves Sonia from a shotgun blast by shoving her out of the way by, you guessed it, by her bodaciousness's. Ha ha, starting to see a pattern here....
Finding themselves in a situation WAY out of their depth, Bryce reluctantly seeks help from his father, who is GOD, but likes to handle things more directly in this version. He "helps" our trio, but, they are captured by the head baddie, who, PLOT TWIST, used to bump uglies with Mrs. Darios Kincaid. Now I don't know how Darious Kincaid feels about Foot Massages, but, I'm sure he was not to happy to discover who also had been in his wife's most holiest of Holy's. Just saying! He offers her stability and a lifetime of high living, so she has a choice to make, and, she makes it, much to Darious' chagrin.
Torture, escape, skull bashing, and stabation occur, as our duo work together to help stop the end of Europe as we know it. Darious confesses to Bryce that it was Michael that shot his left testicle off in Barcelona, which is why he can't give Mrs. Kincaid the progeny she so desires. Double crosses and Oedipal conflicts commence, conclude, and like John Wick's Number 2 pencil, we discover that "the penknife is very much underrated, because no one ever sees it coming.
The fun, but silly plot twist at the end set's up the inevitable part 3...
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Review by Matthew Luke BradyBlockedParent2021-07-20T05:35:13Z
The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard, (yep it got a sequel), is the type of action comedy where it’s nasty in violence and crude in script, so it depends on whatever or not you feel uncomfortable by it.
The action scenes are quick cuts and nothing special.
The biggest take away I got from this is how bad I felt for Ryan Reynolds character Michael Bryce. Never have I seen a character in a comedy go through so much trauma, pain, neglect, and humiliation. There came a point in the movie where the character is covered in someone else's blood, but he just leaves it on him for a while, not really reacting to it because I guess he’s already lost his insanity.
On the bright side of things, there were three jokes that I thought were funny. 1.) There’s a jump scare where Salema Hayek sneaks up and appears behind Ryan Reynolds. 2.) How Morgan Freeman is introduced in the movie was unexpected, genuinely funny, and easily the best joke of the movie. 3.) Michael Bryce tragic backstory to how his mother died was so stupid and ridiculous, which made it even more of a tragedy.
Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson once again have decent chemistry despite the two playing the same characters from other movies. Salema Hayek, who is in her late 50’s, still looks good despite the movie portraying her as a screaming old hag. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to find Frank Grillo’s character funny, because I didn’t laugh at his jokes. Antonio Banderas is always charming in everything he does, even if he is playing a basic evil villain.
Overall rating: A loud “shoot ‘em up” movie that doesn’t do anything else than pass the time and be entertaining...for some.