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Private Notes
It's been two weeks since Jennifer kicked Jack out of the house, and Ryan only just notices. He's just rented an apartment for himself and Jennifer gives him his pillow, blue quilt, a fork, a knife, and his orange juice glass to take with him. Ross gives him his stuffed bunny, Mr. Floppy. He takes Mr. Floppy to his apartment, and he's so screwed up that Mr. Floppy starts to talk to him. Ryan and Tiffany learn to take advantage of being products of a broken home at school. Jack steals back his high school leather jacket from Jennifer while she is out on a date. She comes over to his apartment because she can't sleep with out him next to her, and they end up having sex.
After failing to get one of the three VCRs (even the one that requires you to continuously press the ""play"" button) from Jennifer in the divorce, Jack sells his car to an old lady and buys himself a new one. Mr. Floppy gets excited because they can watch porno (Natural Born Hooters). Jennifer gets upset because it's their first marriage anniversary after the break up, and Jack forgets what day it is. Jennifer invites Jack over for dinner and cons him into feeling that they ought to exchange gifts, and he gives her the new VCR, while she gives him the crappy one. Mr. Floppy gets mad at Jack for giving away the new VCR, and Jack makes the mop and pizza box talk to demonstrate that he doesn't need Mr. Floppy.
Mr. Floppy thinks that Jack should start dating. While Jack, Jennifer, Ryan, and Tiffany go to Howe High's back to school night, Jack tries to send out ""the vibe"" to the women there. Amazingly he gets a date with Miss Taylor (Ryan's Civics Teacher), whom all the male teachers and students, and half the female teachers are after. Jennifer agrees to lend Jack the car for the date, but is less than supportive of him. When Jack comes to pick up the car, Jennifer and the car aren't there-- she and Maureen have taken it to the otherside of the block. Jack ends up meeting Miss Taylor 3 hours late, and Ryan's friend the paperboy ends up going home with her.
In order to become more successful at attracting a new man, Jennifer wants Jack to buy her new breasts. When he refuses, she tries to sell her engagement ring and finds out it is glass and 14 karat goldette, and becomes upset. Jack, against the wishes of Mr. Floppy, decides to sell his autographed baseball in order to buy her a new ring. Jennifer tells him that the ball was really autographed by her mother. Jack and Jennifer have sex at the end of the episode.
Since Jack's boss (Jennifer's father) won't give him a car, he decides to buy a moped. Jennifer finally convinces her mother, who came six weeks ago for a two week visit, to go home. As Maureen walks out the door, Jack runs into her with the moped, which of course causes her to continue staying with Jennifer. Jennifer decides that in order to prevent Maureen from suing Jack and getting all of Jennifer's stuff, that Jack should call her ""mom"" (which he has never done). Features a wonderful daydream medley of scenes where Jack imagines killing Maureen at various stages in his life.
Jennie, Ross, and Ryan are sick in bed with colds, and Tiffany has two days until the Alphi Pi Psi party at the local university, where she plans to mingle with the geeks since ""today's big dufus is tomorrow's Bill Gates."" Jennifer calls Jack over so that he can pick up food and tampons, and get the car from the mechanic. Mr. Floppy makes Jack to take him along so that he won't be bored in the apartment, and then convinces Jack to escape to Mexico. Jack turns back home after a ""conscious attack,"" gets yelled at for buying the wrong flavor lollipops, and is stopped from running to Mexico again because he ran out of gas in the driveway. Jack and Jennifer have sex in the front seat of the car at the end.
Jennifer is appalled by Jack's, Ryan's, and Ross' table manners, while Jack becomes upset when he learns that Ryan does the dishes and the laundry. Jack encourages him to fight against his emasculation, and Ryan then refuses to do the laundry, so Jennifer kicks him out. Ross is later deposited at Jack's after using the guest soaps in the bathroom. Jack tries to teach the boys how to revel in their maleness, while Jennifer, Tiffany, and Maureen enjoy the silence of a house devoid of belching, and exchange stories about the ""gelding of men."" For want of food, Jack and the boys raid Jennifer's garbage for left overs and then get food poisoning. After being retrieved from the hospital by the women, the three are made to do the dishes in frilly aprons. Don't miss Tiffany getting hot talking about the riches she will acquire from her man-- ""Oh, stocks, diamonds and porkbellies oh my!""
Jennifer wants to get into the Betty Ford Clinic so that she can meet a rich drunk, and tells Jack he'll have to take the kids when she is away for the week. He'll have to pay for her visit or he'll have the kids forever. Jack takes the kids for the night and Ross cuts off Mr. Floppy's foot so that he can have a good luck charm to break his string of bad luck. Ryan steals the foot from Ross, and uses it get a date with Cindy Stalling (whom he dreams of every night). Moments later Tiffany steals it from him, and he promptly loses Cindy, but Tiffany finds a diamond ring in her sandwich. Jennifer gets tips from Maureen on how to fit in at the Clinic. Jennifer takes the foot from the kids and won't give it to Jack because it got her into Betty Ford. Jack unsuccessfully tries to offer Mr. Floppy a new foot from a different stuffed animal, then breaks into Jennifer's house and gets noticed by everyone. Never the less, he steals the foot from Jennifer, and she promptly gets bumped from the Cl
Jennifer is depressed because she can't get a date, and wants to be lusted after. When Jack takes the rest of his stuff out her basement, she decides to fix up the house. She hires Matt, a twenty year old who just moved into Jack's building, who was captain of the football, baseball, and basketball teams in high school. When Jack tells Jennifer that Matt has a habit of sleeping with the women he works for, Jennifer goes after him. Tiffany gets really aroused by him, and Jennifer forces her to stay away from him so that she won't have to compete. After Matt shows no interest in her, and runs off with Mrs. Wilson, who has a big butt and four chins, Jennifer complains to Jack that she isn't attractive.
Jennifer goes out with Gavin Drake, ""Picture Framer of the Stars,"" and falls for him because it's the best date she has had so far. Tiffany and Ryan learn that he is a married man at school lunch because he is the father of Chelsea, one of their friends. They tell Jack, and he gets excited because he'll get to crush Jennie by telling her, and it'll be the best thing that has happened to him all year. Mr. Floppy wants him to wait telling her so that he can get gossip about Shannon Doherty out of Gavin. Jack doesn't get to tell her because Gavin asks her to be his mistress. Jeannie seriously considers it, but breaks up with him because it would be too much for her conscience.
Tiffany wants to spend the night at the lake with her friends, including her date Beau. Jack forbids her because he still sees her as a little girl, and does not want her to be taken advantage of. Ryan keeps trying to talk to Jack about his own date, whom he describes as older, an occultist, and criminally insane, but both Jack and Jennifer ignore him. Later, Jack feels about forbidding Tiffany to go, but both Mr. Floppy and Jennifer agree that he made the right decision. Tiffinay then sweet-talks Jack into allowing her to spend the night at the lake. Jennifer gets mad, and they go out in an attempt to retrieve Tiffany
Jennifer is chaperoning Tiffany's spring dance. Tiffany is in charge of planning the dance, and has invested the funds into war-oriented stocks. Unfortunately, peace breaks out and her investments go bad. Jack has to return his new J. Bean wardrobe (that Mr. Floppy says makes him look like a gay-boy) in order to help fund the dance. Jennifer makes Jack help her with and take her to the dance. Ryan ends up with 10 dates because the girlfriends of the football team want to get even with the team for getting a stripper the week before. The theme of the dance is ""The O.J. Trial Under the Stars,"" and Barry wins Queen of the Prom.
After winning $200,000 playing Monopoly, Ryan thinks he might have a future as a business tycoon and starts to act and dress the part. After Amber's father is mauled by a dog, Jennie is chosen to be the speaker for ""Face the Future"" day at Ryan and Tiffany's high school. She guilts the kids into going, and tells Jack that he has to go as well. Unfortunately, it conflicts with his weekly basketball game. Jack leaves notes all over his apartment to remind himself to go, but ends up forgetting anyway.
Jack moves back in to the house for the sake of the kids, but must live in the basement until he can win Jennie back.
When Tiffany gets a zit and Ryan sets the scale to ten pounds more than normal, Tiffany tries to develop a personality and Jennie starts jogging. Jennie becomes Vicky Vixen on the Internet, and Ryan finds that Vicki Vixen has the hots for him.
Jack leaves Jennie's room for the basement because she won't let him have his ways, but he finds a giant rat in the basement and makes the kids get rid of it.
When Jennie gets in a fight with Susan, a neighbor, she has Jack fight Vic, Susan's husband.
When Jennie gets a date with Ray Paul Jones, her teen crush, she gives Jack the right to fantasize about a celebrity. Jack picks Cindy Crawford and gets arrested for stalking her.
Disasters occur when Jack teaches Ryan and Tiffany how to drive.
Jennie gets a glass table on Ross's ninth birthday and throws everyone out of the house for getting the table dirty.
When the family earns 40,000 frequent flyer miles, Jack wants to go to Las Vegas and Jennie wants to go to Hawaii. Meanwhile, Tiffany gets in a fight with Patty, a cheap girl who Ryan is in love with.
When Ryan gets all D's and F's on his report card, Jennie says he can't have the car keys until he gets a B, so he makes a deal with Miss Taylor, his Civics teacher. Meanwhile, Jack tries to figure out why Ryan is so dumba nd Tiffany begins to suspect that the mailman is her father.
Tiffany thinks Jack doesn't trust her when he doesn't let Tiffany go in her room with Mike, her boyfriend.
When Ryan starts taking urine tests for football players, he gets a lettered jersey and the respect of a football player. Meanwhile, no one notices Tiffany, because of Ryan being on the football team, when she gets the highest SAT scores in the school and becomes a national merrit scholar.
After Tiffany and Ryan take Jack's car to a party without his permission, Jack and Jennie pretend the car is stolen, until it actually is.
After seeing a movie, Jennie takes the family to a picnic to bond. But the picnic trip is soon ruined by gophers, poison ivy, and pesticide.
Jack is thrown in jail when Jennie punches a meter maid. Jennie won't bail Jack out and things are terrible around the house without him.
When the family becomes obsessed with horoscopes, Ryan looks for a girl and Jennie tries to be nice.
Tiffany is disturbed when Danny, a boy, doesn't want to go to the Valentine's Dance with her. Ryan plans on taking Ms. O'Hara, his chemistry teacher, but she blows herself up. Mr. Floppy sends obscene mail to Pamela Anderson.
Jack uses his height to beat Ryan at basketball for the 2001st time.
Jennie relives her high school days when Tiffany is cast as Juliet in Romeo and Juliet. Jack helps Ryan practice his one line for the play.
Jack starts writing stories that are really Floppy's and gets a big break, but later tries doing his own writing.
Tiffany isn't the smartest girl in the class anymore when she is put into a smarter class.
It's summer break Ryan has just finished his senior year. After Ryan gets fired from the used car lot, Jack threatens to kick him out of the house if he doesn't get a job. So Ryan goes to Cheeseburger Community College, but finds he must repeat his senior year. Jack tries to keep the family out of the basement and works the night shift so he doesn't have to deal with the kids.
After taking Jack's advice, Ryan becomes engaged to Crystal, a thirty year old woman with two kids.
At the start of the school year, Sable, a girl who is as smart and beautiful as Tiffany, comes to Priddy High and Tiffany and her become rivals after exhcanging secrets.
On a ""ditch day"" at school, Tiffany competes with Sable for Moondoggie, a surfer. Jennie doesn't want to be home when the maide comes, so she asks sick Jack to take her to the beach.
When Tiffany starts taking fake prom pictures with nerds and leaving sexy messages on their answering machines for the money, it blows her Princeton scholarship.
After Jennie makes Jack go talk to Morgana, Sable's mother, Morgana tries to seduce Jack. Meanwhile, Ryan becomes Sable's boyfriend, but it seems more like he's her slave.
After getting zapped by lightning, Ryan is convinced that he is a super hero named Lightning Boy.
Jack becomes lonely when Jennie gets Tiffany addicted to bingo.
The Mad Hair Hacker goes after Tiffany, Sable, and Amber, a friend of Tiffany's, to chop their long hair. Meanwhile, Jack and Jennie look forward to terrorizing the neighborhood kids and giving them candy cigarettes on Halloween.
Ryan gets angry when Tiffany changes his band and they become a success. Meanwhile, Mr. Floppy starts going in the washer to get into alternate worlds.
When Sable starts playing a sport for her scholarship, Tiffany joins the volleyball team.
When the family goes to The House of Hollywood restaurant, Jennie expects to see stars, but only sees Erik Estrada, who she doesn't recognize.
Jack and Jennie think Ryan is on drugs when they finds globs and globs of his sweat in the car.
When Tiffany decides she wants to do something bad, she steals some lipstick and becomes a rebel.
After Tiffany nominates Ryan for school president, he makes rules that benefit himself. Jack and Jeane have to do Ryan's homework so that he can maintain a C average.
Jack can't stand it when Tiffany begins dating Johnny Stompanado, a biker. Jennie remembers her biker boyfriend.
Ryan, Tiffany, and their friends protest against the school's disgusting mashed potatoes. Meanwhile, Jack suffers from insomnia.
Tiffany gets a B- on her essay because she doesn't agree with Mr. Monteleone's, her teacher's, opinion. Ryan repeats everything Mr. Monteleone tells him for his reports and does great. Meanwhile, Jack and Mr. Floppy decide to make a movie with naked women.
Ryan gets a mail order bride.
Tiffany must work at an ice cream parlor.
Tiffany's advice causes Ryan to get lots of women at his new job as a hairdresser. Jack worries that Ryan is gay because of his new job, but respects him when he sees the women Ryan is getting.
Jack goes to a loan shark for the $18,000 for Tiffany to go to Harvard. But Tiffany turns down the Harvard scholarship and decides to go to Northridge Junior College with Ryan when she meets Professor Alfred, a professor there. She soon finds Professor Alfred is going to teach at Harvard and Mr. Monteleone is taking his spot.
Ross makes the family become vegetarians so he can win an environmentalist award with a $10,000 check. But Tiffany won't give in.
When Tiffany gets to be the gossip writer for the school newspaper, she writes a story about Mr. Monteleone loving sheep.
For a project, the class must find what the opposite sex wants. For her project, Tiffany pretends to be stupid around a guy. Ryan begis acting like a girl for his.
Guy Macaroon tells the family that Jennie has died by falling asleep on a tanning machine. So the family must give her a good funeral to stop her ghost from pestering them.
When Jennie's ghost continues to pester the family, they call Father Guido Sarducci to perform and excorcism.
Mindy, a girl on the basketball team with a crush on Ryan, beats him in basketball. Ryan is embarassed when Mindy tells the whole school, so he challenges her to a rematch witht he school watching.
To join a sorority, Tiffany and Amber have to be slaves to Ryan. Ryan doesn't notice that his sorority is gay. Seeing Ryan and Tiffany enjoying college, Jack puts down that he is a college graduate on his resume and he becomes a doctor and an accountant.
After being denied by Bunny Mufflewits for a date, Ryan gets the mark to be a vampire slayer and uses Tiffany and Ross for bait.
Tiffany is arrested when Ryan uses her name and picture for his cyber sex internet scam.
When Tiffany breaks up a couple by asking the guy for the time, she begins to think he is her boyfriend, without meeting him. Ryan starts getting sympathy from girls who have been dumped.
Ryan meets a cute girl named Bitsy Berg. She actually takes a liking to Ryan. The only thing is she is way too perky and can't stop talking in a fast,ditzy tone of voice. Ryan invites her over for dinner. The family can't believe she's so talkative. Ryan gives Bitzy a big smile,while the rest of the family are about ready to kill her. Ryan thinks that ""she could be the one."" But we find out that Ryan was just one of a long list of men she had to sleep with as part of a sorority initiation.
Barbara, the attractive new girl at Northridge Junior Colege who is a network executive, flirts with Jack. Jennie and Tiffany tell Jack to flirt back so that they can get a network meeting.
Tiffany decides to present Mr.Peebody as Teacher of the Year, with dinner at her house, and later finds out that he is an escaped murderer.
Ryan must work as the night janitor to pay off a school computer he destroyed. He finds the answers to an exam in the trash can and starts selling them to other students.
After writing a report on Ryan cheating on a test, Tiffany decides to go under cover as a cheerleader in order to expose them for her paper.
Tiffany plans on losing her virginity to her new boyfriend, but she finds he is saving himself for marriage.
Ryan's career aptitude test reveals that he should be a teacher, so he becomes the student teacher in Ross's class. Ryan accidentally kills Ross's teacher, Mr. Moss, by stabbing him with scissors so he takes over the class. Ross's girlfriend, a twelve-year-old named Kitty, has a crush on Ryan so Ryan has Tiffany pretend to be his girlfriend.
When Tiffany goes on a weekend ski trip and wakes up in bed and tied up with her skies, she decides to think back to what happen, while Ryan says that he beated up the Abominal Snowman and while Ross witnesses Jack and Jeannie having a high old time while Tiffany and Ryan were away.
After making an unassisted triple play in baseball, Ryan starts starring in many commercials and making some money and fame along the way.
When figuring out that she is now 20, Tiffany remodels her room and thinks that she is old, while Jack and Jeannie fight over who is her most favorite parent.
When Tiffany finds an old western book while planting some flowers, she thinks of what it would be like to live in those times.
When Ross nails shut the front door in order for everyone except Jeannie to watch his five hour story, Jack, Tiffany, and Ryan think about (in order of names before) Floppy and Women and Beer, Clothes Clothes Clothes, and Lightning boy.
Ryan and Tiffany investigate about the dancing baby conspiracy in a parody of The X-Files.
Tiffany gets angry when she must run errands for A. Cyril Studebaker, her literatue teacher, to get an A.
After being fouled out in a game of basketball by a girl, Ryan decides to prove that men are better than women in basketball.
Tiffany is annoyed when Jerome, her sensitive boyfriend, won't stand up to rude people at a movie.
Tiffany's love letters to Jacques, her European boyfriend, end up in Barbara's hands. Meanwhile, Mr. Floppy holds a phone vote to decide if he should stay with Drew Barrymore.
After Tiffany remembers Ryan locking her in a closet ten years before, Tiffany makes phone calls to Ryan telling him to beware of the closet monster. Ryan finds Jack, Barbara, and Ross dead and suspects Tiffany.
Ryan and Tiffany sign as Ross's parents for him to retake his IQ test, after he gets an average score of 100.
Tiffany faces off against Barbara in a fencing competition so she can get a good job.
To get money for the cable bill, the family goes on the game show Smart and Stupid, but Tiffany tells Barbara she looked fat and stupid on TV.
Elliot, the school newspaper editor, sues Tiffany for sexual harassment when she tries to get him a front page story. Ryan gets to take over the horoscopes in the school paper.
Ryan tells Tiffany he slept with Penny, a girl she hates, but Tiffany has trouble keeping it a secret.
Jack sells expensive toilets illegally so Ryan and Tiffany can buy a Porsche.
A rich, overwight girl named Taffy has a crush on Ryan, so he dates her for her money.
Jack doesn't want to compete in a father-son basketball tournament with ross, so he has Ryan pretend to be Ross. Meanwhile, Tiffany and Barbara have Ross help them bake a cake for the homeless food drive, so that he will be distracted when Jack goes for the tournament.
While Tiffany and Barbara write up their applications for college, Tiffany makes a lie about knowing how to play the violin, but finds out that she has to play even though she doesn't really know how.
Jimbo, a fast food millionaire with a burger joint, hires Ryan only to try and win Tiffany's heart by making a burger called the Tiffany Burger.
While dating a guy, Tiffany decides that he might be the one to lose her virginity to, but then Barbara gets in the way.
Tiffany decides to help Ryan try and win over Barbara.
Tiffany has to paint a picture for art class, but gets them mixed up with Ryan's and starts to be a success, but feels bad about using his work for success.
When finding out that all the teachers in her school didn't pass an exam for teaching, Tiffany is worried that all her years at Northridge Junior College will be worth nothing for Harvard. So she decides to teach her teachers so that they can pass the exam before it is too late.
In the final episode, Tiffany is finally accepted into Harvard but without financial aid. To get enough money for Tiffany, he becomes a successful used car salesman and soon moves up to selling new cars and cars to celebrities. But Mr. Floppy dies because Jack is so caught up in his work, he won't pay attention to him. But drinking beer with Jak brings Floppy back.
