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Private Notes
After a client (former Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad) leaves behind a briefcase full of uranium powder known as yellowcake, Svetlana must decide on the best way to get rid of it.
Svetlana scrambles to interview and hire a new driver when her regular chauffeur quits.
When Natasha expresses a desire to sleep with a black man, Svetlana attempts to lure one—with the help of some creative derriere augmentation.
The Saint Petersburg House of Discreet Pleasure drops prices to attract recession-crippled customers—a move that yields unexpected turmoil.
Vlad applies for a job at an engineering laboratory, despite having a mostly hypothetical resumé. Meanwhile, Svetlana explores the benefits of botox injections.
Svetlana tries to avoid deportation after Steve annuls their marriage. Meanwhile, the family sets up shop in an occupied house.
The current resident of the house that the family has fashioned into a brothel isn't thrilled about his unwanted boarders, so Svetlana hatches a plan to extend their stay.
Vlad struggles with going to his first day at work while Svetlana supports Natasha's audition for a movie role. When an American girl wants to join the brothel as a prostitute Natasha must compete in a "Funtastic Fuckdown" contest.
Svetlana's son Boris has been expelled from five schools due to misconduct so far. To avoid him being put into foster care, she desperately tries to get him into a Yeshiva school by pretending to be Jewish. Meanwhile, Marina's feelings for a Lesbian named Liam come to light, when she feels rejected and seeks revenge.
Svetlana receives a call from Michelle Obama personally asking her to make her business more energy conscious. The enterprising Svetlana decides that her brothel, St. Petersburg House of Discreet Pleasure, will invent an ecologically friendly dildo and humor ensues.
Svetlana's aging mother pays a surprise visit from the old country with a seemingly impossible request.
Svetlana becomes extremely jealous when she observes Vlad dancing with an attractive female acquaintance at her class. Meanwhile, Eddie resorts to drastic measures when Svetlana's old chauffeur asks for his job back.
An Asian brothel opens in the immediate neighborhood and draws many of Svetlana's clients away. While Svetlana fights back, her gay friend Jared investigates Vlad to determine his true sexual orientation.
After Eddie frames Svetlana for Phil's murder, she faces "five to life" in prison—and has trouble readjusting to civilian life after she's paroled. (Note: This episode ends with a music video entitled "Hos Before Bros," featuring music by Keith Atkins and lyrics by Kyle Perzanoski.)
Vlad is abducted by government officials and waterboarded while Svetlana tries to get rid of a negligible amount of belly weight gain.
Svetlana pretends to be an all-American in order to become part of a documentary on American entrepreneurs.
Svetlana turns to a plastic surgeon after her previous breast augmentation suffers a rupture. Meanwhile, Vlad makes a disastrous attempt at male prostitution. (Note: This episode features Iris Bahr in a secondary role as Sandy, a snide receptionist.)
Liam's disapproving parents threaten to ruin her wedding to Marina, which Svetlana is busy trying to organize.
When Natasha expresses a desire to adopt a baby, Svetlana calls in a favor and arranges to have a Haitian infant delivered to the house. However, when Tomas arrives, he isn't exactly what Svetlana was anticipating.
While taking out the trash, Vlad meets a pretty neighbor, Phoebe (Wendi McLendon-Covey), and immediately dumps Svetlana for her.
Svetlana, in despair, marries Vivek, an Indian man, and is trying everything to become a good housewife. Meanwhile, Vlad finds it harder and harder to cope with his new girlfriend's nymphomaniacal tendencies.
Svetlana tries to prevent Vlad from pimping Natasha on the streets in the middle of the night—and ends up brainwashed by a religious cult.
When Marina and Liam announce their desire for a baby, Svetlana goes looking for a suitable sperm donor.
An exterminator contaminates the brothel with poison spray and the family goes on their first ever camping trip to get fresh air.
