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Private Notes
New Series. Yes, a new series just twenty days after the last one ended, the BBC is getting its moneys worth out of Jonathan. In return, he provides a guest straight from the top of the A List - Tom Hanks. Chris Rock, who some people might find funny, whilst others will just regard him as loud, American and not funny.
Music from Reverend & The Makers.
He is a living legend; a man who was a part of the greatest model railway based children's programme of all time. He provided the voices for the fab four: Thomas, Henry Gordon and the Fat Controller � Mr. Ringo Starr. He was also in The Beatles.
Also appearing on this week's show, Sir David Attenborough; friend of the Rwandan gorilla, pal of the bat and generally on nodding terms with fish.
Big, butch funny bloke Alan Carr returns to the Ross sofa. Alan wears glasses... and shoes... and has the requisite number of ears for a standard human. Yes, you've guessed it - I don't know anything about the other guests.
The Cast of Mistresses join Jonathan for an innuendo-laden smut fest; Britt Ekland takes part in a 'I was married to Peter Sellers and danced naked in The Wicker Man' jamboree and Morrissey provides the music - no smut and no dancing naked. Phew.
First it was Life on Mars, now it's Ashes to Ashes. TV cop Gene Hunt, (Philip Glenister) returns to the screen as the Manc detective who likes 'oops. Maybe the next series will be called 'The Laughing Gnome' and will be set in the seedy underworld of Legoland. Starring Tom Cruise.
First Blood, Rambo, Tango and Cash. Just three of the films for which Sylvester Stallone was not nominated for an Oscar. Also appearing: Nicholas Hoult from Skins and Katherine Jenkins from Wales.
Music from Guillemots.
Nice to see him, to see him... Brucie returns to the show, on what will be his 80th birthday. Also on this week's programme: Forest Whitaker, who won an Oscar for his portrayal of Ugandan despot Idi Amin and model Agyness Deyn, who, and let's be honest about this, is just some model.
Music from Elbow.
Michelle Ryan managed to star in several episodes of the Bionic Woman before it was axed. Who knows; maybe The Bill has the technology to rebuild her (career), as it has done for so many other former soap stars.
Music comes from the Temptations, star-spangled blondness comes from Goldie Hawn and something French for the ladies comes from Jean-Christophe Novelli.
Gunther Von Hagens is a German anatomist who likes to perform televised autopsies in front an audience. This could be the last appearance on television for either Twiggy, David Baddiel Siouxsie Soux or Jonathan. Forgo your late-night snack just in case.
Natasha Kaplinsky is one of those people who you either really, really like, or really, really loathe. Which camp are you in? This week's 'Hollywood royalty' is Donald Sutherland, while Trevor Eve is this week's 'Brummie royalty'.
Music from the Kooks.
David Tennant and Catherine Tate, aka, the Doctor and his new companion; John Hurt, who has played the Elephant Man and Quentin Crisp on film, but is yet to play an unconvincing alien in Doctor Who, makes a return appearance.
Music from Radiohead.
Mackenzie Crook's latest film is Three and Out, in which he plays a Tube driver on London's Underground. The title refers to the rule that if a driver witnesses three accidental deaths on the line, he is pensioned off with a large lump sum. It is understandable to think from the title, that the film is actually about the career of cricketer Andrew Strauss.
Aston Kutcher joins Jonathan to talk about a new film, or something. Russell Brand returns, possibly trying to break Ricky Gervais' number of appearances and Ronnie Corbett makes a return appearance to the show. A man described by the BBC as a "comedy giant".
Music from new band, the Courteeners.
Robert Downey Jr. makes a return appearance to the show, but it's debuts all-round for Gwyneth Paltrow, Michael Aspel and The Ting Tings.
That big bundle of chuckles, Sir Alan Sugar, returns to the show; the big bundle, Johnny Vegas, also returns with his own brand of northern madness. Making her first appearance on the show is Jade Jagger, who, apparently, is famous for being a model and not just for being called Jagger.
Music from Vampire Weekend.
A mixed bag of guests this week: author and broadcaster Andrew Marr; actress Sarah Jessica Parker and actor Anthony Head. So not that mixed after all...
Brilliantly, this week's band is Yazoo (or Yaz, if you are American and have difficulty with syllables).
Chirpy Cockney geezer, Ray Winstone, does the Lambeth walk into the studio to discuss jellied eels, Doodlebugs and boxing grannies from the east end. Gawd bless 'em. Actually, he'll probably talk about his role in the new Indiana Jones film.
The Osmonds - all 7 of them, give their first British interview in 25 years. 7 Osmonds - that's 224 teeth. Seems like a lot more...
Music to please your Mum - and mine, from golden-tonsilled Neil Diamond.
The ubiquitous John Barrowman returns to talk about his favourite Nancy (you can add your own punchline).
Music from Black Kids, whose début song title takes longer to say than it takes to sing.
The WBO, WBC and WBA super middleweight champion of the world, Joe Calzaghe, talks to Jonathan about punching people.
Jay-z gives his first major British television interview ahead of his headline appearance at Glastonbury; the affable Will Smith returns as does singer Charlotte Church.
Music from James.
