Add
Private Notes
Richard "Fitz" Fitzpatrick, morally bankrupt top salesman of pre-owned automobiles for 9 years running, hits rock bottom when he crashes a GT on a test drive, puts a woman in a coma, and wakes up to find he's grown a conscience - a living/breathing hanger-on named Larry, who joins Fitzpatrick Motors as a do-gooder salesman, and threatens to undercut Fitz' debaucherous way of life...
After a failed hit on Larry's life, Fitz's only option is to get rid of him by proving Larry's a crazy person. After all, he claims to be his conscience. Meanwhile, Larry tries to purge Fitz of drugs and alcohol. But by the time Larry rallies the Fitzpatrick family for an intervention, Fitz's own sanity begins to dwindle in the throes of the DTs, and he decides to take whacking matters into his own hands...
When Fitz discovers his Father Ken is leaving Fitzpatrick Motors to Larry in his will, he has no choice but to prove Larry is NOT his long lost, responsible brother. And the only way to do it is a quick visit to his absentee, alcoholic mother Elaine. On Fitz's quest for closure however, he ends up at Elaine's weekly key party. When he can't find the answers he needs, he steals her car. Meanwhile, demented Junior Survivalist Kara builds her now growing attempted vehicular manslaughter case by blackmailing Josh with a compromising cell phone.
Fitz quickly unloads Elaine's car in hopes of putting their broken relationship behind him for good. But Larry is convinced it was a desperate plea to get her back in his life. Unfortunately for Fitz, that's exactly what happens. After manipulating Larry into a family reunion, Elaine gets Fitz on board to scam the Ruptals and get the car back. But its all part of a Long Con Elaine concocts to finalize her divorce and rid herself of all things Fitz once and for all...
When Larry and Meghan buy Ken a birthday present, Fitz scrambles to come up with his own gift to blow Meghan's out of the water. But the only thing they have in common is cars and porn. So Fitz shoots a car-themed porn with Ken's favorite classic porn star Candy Box. But she's a little older than Fitz remembered. When her kids show up, and her back goes out, Fitz has to man-up and save the day. By co starring with Sonja...
Fitz tries to hook Larry up with a drunk chick, only to end up sleeping with Janet, the drunkest of them all. But the next morning Fitz discovers Janet wasn't drunk, she's brain damaged. Meghan meanwhile tries to get back on the dating horse. When she mistakes an attempted purse snatching for a come-on, she takes her mugger hostage at a motel. Larry thinks Fitz's latest predicament is a perfect opportunity to teach him about love and devotion. But it gets complicated when Ali shows up. Especially since her comatose mother has developed a communication technique with her finger twitches, and she has an actual case against Fitz...
Hoping to take advantage of spousal privilege, Fitz proposes to a comatose Babs, believing it will prevent her morse-code testimony. In an attempt to placate Larry, Fitz makes him his Best Man. He throws a lame, kid-themed bachelor party - the kind of party Fitz never had as a child. Ali attends in hopes of getting Fitz too drunk to go through with the wedding before Babs is moved to a private facility. But a chance jail-cell meeting with an S&M submissive/ordained minister leaves Fitz free and clear to marry Babs. Everything's coming up Fitz. Until Babs wakes up…
Fitz is pleasantly surprised to discover his marriage to Babs fulfills his latent maternal longings. After Fitz fully regresses to a child-like state, Babs discovers he doesn't want a lover, he wants a Mommy. Appalled, Larry tries to get Ali to help break them up. But when it becomes clear that Ali's jealous of Babs, Fitz realizes who he should really be with. He chases after Ali and they start going at it in her car. But an errant elbow throws the car in reverse. It rolls over Babs, killing her instantly...
Being a widower has its perks; the pity, the gifts, the inheritance - which Fitz uses to buy a plot of land for his dream bar, The Summer Wind Lounge. Ali learns her mother's dying wish was an organic burial. Unfortunately it's illegal. But if anyone can help her skirt the law, it's Fitz. Together, they steal the body from the crematorium, and bury her on Fitz's new real estate venture. Ali is grateful for a sense of closure on her strained maternal relationship. So she thanks Fitz by b. him in the car. But when she learns Fitz used all of Babs' money to invest in his bar, she's done with him forever...
Reeling from the Ali debacle, Fitz has a new plan to get rid of Larry: if he's good for once, there'd be no need to have a conscience. Larry would finally leave him alone. So Fitz sets up a charity drive for Ned the cripple - not a kid, but a curmudgeonly dude in a wheelchair. And to prove he's really altruistic, he promises to give Ned a kidney. Larry is sure Fitz won't go through with it. Which of course, he doesn't - especially when he learns he's feeling down because he has syphilis. The match testing never happened - it was a scam by Ned, who ends up harvesting Larry's kidney for sale on the black market instead...
A sniper takes siege of Fitzpatrick Motors. Larry is convinced Fitz's cowardice in withholding his syphilis diagnosis from his sexual partners has brought this upon them. But as Fitz points out, it could be any one of the hundreds of people who want him dead. Ali meanwhile tries to get over bad boy Fitz by dating milquetoast Chester Vince. As the Fitz Motors team narrows down the possible shooter, Josh concludes its Kara. They call Ali to negotiate with the suspect. But the real hero turns out to be Chester, who makes sure Kara isn't tried as an adult. Larry urges Fitz to disclose his STD to Ali. But in outing their relationship to Chester, he ruins Ali's chance of happiness with a good guy once and for all...
The final numbers for the Fibbies are in, and Fitz is way out of contention. But there's a loop-hole - salesmen can enter as a team. As Fitz schemes to sign Larry as his 'plus one', Larry gets an anonymous letter: a clue into a past he no longer remembers. Though Fitz agrees to help Larry investigate his past in exchange for his help winning a Fibbie, mere hours before the Fibbies start, they end up trapped in an abandoned warehouse. Larry doubts his abilities as a conscience, and wonders if the world would be better without him. Fitz talks him out of his noose, and they get to the Fibbies just in time, but as Fitz practices his acceptance speech in the parking lot, a hood is thrown over his head and he's kidnapped. Let's just say the list of suspects is long...
Fitz wakes up in a motel room with his captors, Ali, Sonja, and Julia, the leader of the Bad Men and the Good Women Who Love Them support group. But the women are divided on what they want to do with him - snip off his dick or record a hostage-style video PSA to warn women everywhere. When Sonja chickens out and calls Larry to come save Fitz, Larry talks the women out of a beheading, instead agreeing to take up Kangaroo court for the trial of Dick Fitz. Larry pleads on behalf of the defendant that they're lucky he's not worse than he is - his mother left him, his father doesn't want him to succeed, and that he's still capable of love. A mistrial is called when Larry and Fitz learn there's bigger fish to fry - literally. Josh has been conned into bombing the dealership and if they don't get there soon, Fitzpatrick Motors may be finished - for good.
Broke, insomniac and paranoid, Fitz doesn't think things could get any worse, until a fortuneteller tells him he's fated to die by the next Beaver Moon. What the fuck is a Beaver Moon?
A giant penis defaces the Fitzpatrick Motors mural, and the penis is pointed straight at Fitz's mouth. Fitz is now determined to broadcast his heterosexuality far and loud. There's only one question. How?
When Larry diagnoses Fitz with dyslexia, he’s a little surprised by Fitz’s acceptance… until he discovers his plans to cash in on the disability system.
When Babs Devon’s body is dug up, Larry accidentally tells the cops that the Summerwind land is a Native burial ground. Fitz must fight to keep the site from being expropriated, how else will he build his dream lounge?
Confronted with his mortaility via a grey pube, Fitz tries to talk legendary crooner Dexter Laine into backing his plans for the Summerwind; cashing in on his idol's name is a sure bet. And failing that - sabatoge the old guy.
After the untimely death of Dexter Laine, there's only one thing left for Fitz to do - find a way to profit from his hero's demise. Little does he know, Dex's dismembered feet will help solve the mystery of Dot Foxly once and for all.
When Dot gets too close to Ken for Fitz's comfort, Fitz lands on an unlikely solution to his problem - his mother. But what happens when she gets too close for comfort? It's Fitz versus Fitz and somebody's going down hard.
With their father hospitalized for testicular cancer, the Fitzpatrick children compete to prove their love and get the old man's cash.
This isn't the first time Fitz has been brought in for questioning it is, however, the first time he's been innocent of the charges. It's Fitz versus his nemesis Chester Vince. And vengenance is one of Fitz's favourite games...
Broke, sans wheels, and on the lam…Fitz and Larry must track down Sonja in order to prove that Fitz didn’t kill her. But where is she? And is it true the Amish are cannibals?
With death on the Beaver Moon quickly approaching, Fitz realizes his accomplishments don't add up to shit and sets out on a highly dangerous attempt to go out in a blaze of glory - a high school speed record that no one believes he will survive
When Fitz finds himself transported to the afterworld, he discovers that he and Larry really are two parts of the same soul. Only problem is that Fitz wants to party in hell while Larry's got loftier accoms in mind.
With the Beaver Moon upon him, Fitz puts together a team of unlikely experts for one last attempt to discover the identity of his shadowy nemesis. Too bad that team is the same sadsacks he sees everyday. Will they be able to save Fitz? And once and for all, will he uncover the identity of his shadowy assassin?
When Summerwind is closed after a demolition order comes in, Fitz wants to know who is messing with him. The fact that a Titmouse, an endangered bird, is what is stopping the club from being open. Fitz needs to retaliate.
When the identity of Fitz is deleted "accidentally" from Public Records, he along with Larry, decide to go to Miami and get Fitz's long-form birth certificate so that he can run for City Council.
When Fitz starts to lose money and sponsors for his campaign, he goes the Country Club to "work his charms" on the old money establishment to replenish the fund by asking them for donations.
Fitz attempts to prove that he is a friend of "ethnics" as he finds out that Chester has the main lead in the demographic. Fitz will stop at nothing to be on top.
"Sex For Votes" tactics that Fitz uses backfires when the Ladies Auxiliary president is found dead. Larry's approach proves more counter-productive than anything.
When the "Last Honest Man" approach is close to being sabotaged by Barry, Fitz's "supposed" illegitimate son, Fitz must try to save everything he can to stay in the race.
Fitz starts to bounce back as he starts to gain popularity. He plans to go after the hearts of everyone by claiming the "sympathy" vote for himself.
Ken and Elaine's church scam is making progress and Fitz tries to join in. However, when he is denied, he decides that he can beat them by starting his own religion.
When Fitz finds out that the City Councilman doesn't have any rights to do anything, he decides that it will be good to find a way to repeal the by-law so that Summerwind will be open once again.
Fitz, now Mayor, starts to go downhill and Larry steps in as his conscience and tells him that what he is doing is wrong.
In order to repair the relationship between Fitz and Ken, Larry gets Fitz thrown in jail. Fitz realizes that there is one thing that he needs to survive, breakfast cereal.
Ali goes into labor and Fitz attempts to get the dealership back before the little guy is born. He doesn't want his son to think he is a loser.
Fitz wants to use his baby to sell cars but first must prove to the courts that he can provide a stable and loving home.
The Fitzpatricks devise a plan to use a baby play group as a front for a brothel that caters to lonely moms
When the Fitzpatrick family learns their newest member has gone missing, no one really cares... until they find out Josh stashed the profits from the baby brothel in his diaper. Fitz and Larry follow Baby Fitz' trail to Chester Vince, who happens to be holding Ali Devon hostage in the back of his van. Fitz and Larry soon join Ali, and the three of them must find a way to work together in order to keep a mentally unbalanced Chester from burning them alive in a quest to communicate with his alien overlord, before the track down the child.
When Ken refuses to accept the return of the money Pat Childs found in Baby Fitz' diaper, Larry becomes convinced that loneliness is at the root of his very strange behavior. Fitz thinks Larry's smoking the dope, but when he sees Pat Childs encroaching on their business; he heeds Larry's advice to spend more time with his father, and enlists his help to take down Pat Childs using a classic pedophila scam "The Polanski." Unfortunately for Fitz, in spending some quality father-son time, he discovers a truth about his family that would have been best kept buried.
It's a rainy night at the Fitzpatrick house, and Larry takes the opportunity to use large amounts of alcohol to con the family into playing his favorite game: 'Truth: the board game'. Truth is true to its name, and even Larry ends up discovering far more about the Fitzpatricks than he ever wanted to know. When they wake up the next morning to find a freshly dug grave in the backyard and a missing Elaine, the family must band together in order to re-discover those truths and figure out what happened the night before.
Wedding bells are ringing at casa Fitzpatrick as Ken and Elaine get set to re-tie the knot, and everyone is getting into the act. Everyone except for Fitz, who is convinced the wedding is a secret ploy to bring down Fitzpatrick motors once and for all. In order to stop the impending nuptials, Fitz teams up with unlikely ally and bedfellow, Paula Childs to help expose her father's nefarious plans. More than kissing cousins are revealed when Pat Childs shows up at the ceremony with a truth bomb that will sever ties with Ken and Fitz once and for all.
Still reeling from the shocking truth about his father, Fitz takes a drive down memory lane that leaves him with an even bigger identity crisis than he started with. Now that Fitzpatrick Motors is defunct, Fitz gets Josh and Larry to help him steal back "his childhood car, Betsy", in hopes of selling her off to the highest bidder. Along the way he gets swept up in a flood of nostalgia that blurrs the line between man and machine. Meanwhile Ken, who's out to relive some old memories of his own, gets a rude spiritual awakening when he tracks down a lost love from his ...
After accepting Pat Childs' offer to work at The O-Mobile dealership, Fitz quickly learns that life in the corporate world is not the cakewalk he hoped it would be. Thanks to Larry, Fitz discovers he could be in for a big pay out if he figures out a way to get canned. Yet, despite best efforts Pat refuses to give up on him leaving Fitz saddled with a major presentation to give that leaves him one step closer to embracing his inner Childs.
Twas the night before the night before Fitzmas but the only visions dancing in Fitz' head are of his face plastered on O-mo billboards around town. As part of his new O-mo image, Fitz has decided to give up drinking which prompts a visit by three ghosts to show him the impact his newfound sobriety will have on the people around him. With the whole Fitzpatrick clan scattered, Larry must scramble to rally the troops if he hopes to save Fitz from going down the wrong path.
When Larry finds evidence of a lost family fortune, it gives him the leverage he needs to persuade the rest of the Fitzpatrick clan to save Fitz from the clutches of Pat Childs' evil O-Mo empire. Now all they have to do is find where the money is hidden. Meanwhile, thanks to the ghost of Christmas future, Fitz has been driven to drink again. Once reunited, the Fitzpatricks must expose Pat Childs for the fraud he is if they hope to learn the true meaning of Fitzmas -- cold hard cash.
