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Private Notes
A James Bond spoof casts Stan as a 007-type agent assigned by B (Bullock) to infiltrate the set of a movie producer named TchochkieSchmear (Klaus), who's in cahoots with the diabolical villain Tearjerker (Roger). Their plan? To kill everyone in the world by making movies so sad, people will cry themselves to death.
When Stan's mom gets dumped by yet another boyfriend, she comes running to Stan for support, which he willingly provides (yet again). Francine, feeling threatened, seeks to loosen this umbilical cord, with Roger's help. Meanwhile, Klaus inadvertently gives Steve a fish disease called "ick."
Francine wants Stan to open up emotionally, and after a few sessions with "pretend psychiatrist" Roger, he's more touchy-feely than she can handle. Meanwhile, Hayley kills the queen bee from Steve's science project, and he vows vengeance.
Stan hunts for an ex-KGB agent but can't find him--until he moves in next door. And Steve is building a rocket for a school science project, but can't get it to work--until he gets some help from his new next-door neighbor. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head off on a European vacation.
After outing himself as an alien, Roger (in disguise) finagles his way into being appointed the CIA's chief alien hunter to take advantage of a lavish expense account--while coming up just short in attempts to catch himself. Meanwhile, Francine shocks her family by displaying a prejudice they never knew she had.
After almost dying in a car crash, Stan decides that he must do something important with his life, so he digs for the gold he claims Iran-Contra figure Oliver North buried beneath his house. Meanwhile, Roger poses as a sexually provocative female office worker, hoping he'll be harassed so he can sue over it.
Francine is out of town, giving Roger an opportunity to host spring break at the Smith house for visiting college students, one of whom becomes the straying Stan's "spring-break buddy." Meanwhile, cable music-channel host Carmen Selectra decides she wants to make Steve her sexual conquest.
It's Roger's 1600th birthday, but the Smiths are too freaked out by Steve's impending puberty to celebrate. So Roger decides to make his own birthday fun.
Roger plays detective to track down a case of what he suspects is identity theft. Meanwhile, the Smith family gets sucked into a mean game of Simon Says.
Bullock makes Stan his "No. 1" at the CIA, a promotion that makes the furious Francine the "No. 1" babysitter for Bullock's baby son. Bullock needs someone to watch the kid because his wife's been kidnapped by Iraqi insurgents.
Stan learns that Francine was engaged to another man before she met him, and tracks the guy down to size him up. Meanwhile, Steve can't stay away from a schizophrenic cat that literally has nine lives.
Steve plots revenge after girlfriend Debbie loses a very dirty election for class president. But it backfires badly.
Hayley goes on a rampage after her boyfriend breaks up with her, but she calms down when she begins dating Stan's CIA body double, Bill. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger get jobs separating male and female chicks at a Chinatown hatchery.
