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Private Notes
Francine demands that Stan take the family on a vacation after she learns all of their previous vacations never actually happened: The CIA had planted artificial memories of the "vacations" in their brains so Stan could ditch them. Meanwhile, Roger wants to be a thespian.
After Stan punches a male meter maid during a disagreement over a parking ticket, a judge sentences him to two weeks of community service--as a meter maid. Meanwhile, Hayley poses in the nude for an art class, where one of the artists turns out to be Roger.
Stan prays for a friend and one is provided: a guy named Brett who's like him in every way but one--he's an atheist. So Stan has some evangelizing to do. Meanwhile, Steve is accepted into wizardry school.
Stan seeks out Francine's birth parents because her visiting adoptive parents annoy him so much. But they don't annoy Steve, especially after they give him fireworks.
Stan, who had Hayley brainwashed because he wanted her to be a sleeper CIA agent, activates her and orders her to marry a senator's son. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve decide to open a detective agency like the ones in the '70s TV shows they have been watching.
Although Stan is a veteran CIA agent, it turns out that he has never killed anyone, so three of his buddies from the agency (and Roger) take him out so he can bag his "first kill."
Terry and Greg, the Smiths' gay neighbors, want to have a baby, and Francine offers to be their surrogate. Not surprisingly, Stan objects. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger play a practical joke on Klaus, who vows revenge.
Stan dies on Christmas Eve while trying to find a perfect Christmas tree, then wreaks havoc in heaven (and limbo) trying to return to Earth to save his family--who were dragged along on his quest--from freezing to death in the woods.
Stan and Francine give the constantly nasty Roger an ultimatum: Be nice or ship out. Meanwhile, Klaus and Hayley play truth or dare, and Steve decides to become a backup dancer.
A James Bond spoof casts Stan as a 007-type agent assigned by B (Bullock) to infiltrate the set of a movie producer named TchochkieSchmear (Klaus), who's in cahoots with the diabolical villain Tearjerker (Roger). Their plan? To kill everyone in the world by making movies so sad, people will cry themselves to death.
When Stan's mom gets dumped by yet another boyfriend, she comes running to Stan for support, which he willingly provides (yet again). Francine, feeling threatened, seeks to loosen this umbilical cord, with Roger's help. Meanwhile, Klaus inadvertently gives Steve a fish disease called "ick."
Francine wants Stan to open up emotionally, and after a few sessions with "pretend psychiatrist" Roger, he's more touchy-feely than she can handle. Meanwhile, Hayley kills the queen bee from Steve's science project, and he vows vengeance.
Stan hunts for an ex-KGB agent but can't find him--until he moves in next door. And Steve is building a rocket for a school science project, but can't get it to work--until he gets some help from his new next-door neighbor. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head off on a European vacation.
After outing himself as an alien, Roger (in disguise) finagles his way into being appointed the CIA's chief alien hunter to take advantage of a lavish expense account--while coming up just short in attempts to catch himself. Meanwhile, Francine shocks her family by displaying a prejudice they never knew she had.
After almost dying in a car crash, Stan decides that he must do something important with his life, so he digs for the gold he claims Iran-Contra figure Oliver North buried beneath his house. Meanwhile, Roger poses as a sexually provocative female office worker, hoping he'll be harassed so he can sue over it.
Francine is out of town, giving Roger an opportunity to host spring break at the Smith house for visiting college students, one of whom becomes the straying Stan's "spring-break buddy." Meanwhile, cable music-channel host Carmen Selectra decides she wants to make Steve her sexual conquest.
