5x03 I Don't Want to Wait...

5.2/10. There's a really interesting piece by Matt Zoller Seitz, looking back on his negative reaction to the film Happiness and the awkwardness of a panel he hosted featuring the film's director, Todd Solondz, who specifically called out Seitz's poor review. Seitz's defense is that, at the time, he was essentially "allergic" to what Solondz was offering, to the cynicism and darkness in a film like Happiness at an otherwise joyful time in Seitz's life.

It doesn't work the exact same way, but that's what came to my mind while remembering my initial reaction to "I Don't Want To Wait" from King of the Hill lo those many years ago. If, as I suspect, I watched the episode close to when it aired, I was around Bobby's age at that time. Like most, if not all middle school-aged boys, I felt irrepressibly uncool, not at all sure of where the big M-word, "maturity," was going to lead me, and to top it all off, my lady love at that tender age had moved on to another boy who seemed to better fit the imagery of coolness than I could ever hope to muster.

So a pre-teen love triangle, one founded on the slippery affections of youth at the onset of adolesence hit too close to home. And even as a full-grown, happily married man, closer to departing the coveted "18-35" demographic than to his bar mitzvah, there's something about seeing those events depicted that sent those feelings, that sort of allergy to what was depicted on the screen that says more about you than the episode, flooding back. It's the sort of thing that makes you cringe twice -- once for the pain of the memory, and once more for the reaction of the younger version of yourself that couldn't stand to watch an outstanding but silly cartoon dabble in the vicissitudes of pre-teen romance.

(Reader: Hey, Andrew, maybe you should actually talk about the episode.)

Fair enough! The heart of "I Don't Want to Wait," as the now dated reference in its title indicates, is a parody of the overwrought Dawson's Creek-style drama, transplanted to a seventh grade setting. And while that's a clever idea, it still ranks low on the list of KOTH episodes for the execution of it. While the episode does a workmanlike job at conveying the protean impulses of almost-teenager navigating the choppy social waters at a time of personal transition, and tries to wring the humor from handing adult-ish drama to a pack of kids, it almost plays these elements too straight for the parody to land. There is, if anything, a raw truth to these seemingly ridiculous childhood events that makes them hard to watch, even years and years removed from one's own teen traumas.

There are some comedic highlights. Gary (Carl Reiner) making a return appearance(!) to teach Bobby how to be a man around his retirement community is absolutely adorable, and the kind of low-stakes environment where Bobby would excel and puff himself up. Joseph growing like a weed and Bobby's insecurity at how his best friend is suddenly physically mature are done very well. And little bits like Minh's delivery of "Oh yeah, you rock my world!" or Dale haranguing a random old lady walking by his wrecked bug-a-bago bring the laughs. Plus, the B-story, featuring Hank building coffins for he and Peggy, is the sort of weird but brilliant minor plot that gives the episode its best moments (including the amazing scene where Joseph, in his already panicked state, sees Hank and Peggy emerge from their caskets)

But for the most part, "I Don't Want to Wait" can't find the balance between the teenage angst and the comedy. It's not a direct or exaggerated enough Dawson's Creek parody to coast off the ridiculous; it's not down to earth enough to feel like an earnest exploration; and it's not sophisticated enough in its examination of teenagerhood to offer much real insight. At base, the episode is about that tumultuous time of growing up, but can't escape feeling like a bunch of middle-aged writers trying to remember what being a kid is like than a true representation of it.

Maybe there's a part of me that's still allergic to what KotH is selling here. The tone is uneven to say the least, but again, there are parts of the episode that are almost painfully real, scattered though they may be. But many years removed from teenagerhood, the episode still sinks on its own merits for the bulk of its runtime.