Expend4bles 2023

I honestly don't know why they decided to make a fourth "Expendables" movie. It is clear that none of those involved had any genuine desire to do so. That said, all the alarm sirens should have gone off when Megan Fox appeared in the trailer. At this point in her career, she really doesn't stand for quality, and she's abysmally bad in "ExpendFOURbles" as well. To make matters worse, her role isn't exactly small either.

But the biggest sin of the film is probably that not much is left of the original idea of the franchise. It was once supposed to be a retro-fest for aging action stars, but there are hardly any of those left. Even Sylvester Stallone has at most an extended cameo appearance here; otherwise, only Dolph Lundgren and Jason Statham are remaining who could be put into this star category. Actors like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Wesley Snipes, or at least Terry Crews are no longer present. Instead, you get 50 Cent and Megan Fox—whew.

Those hoping for good action will also be disappointed. Tony Jaa and Iko Uwais are actors who could certainly offer something in this regard. However, the action is so poorly edited that they don't help either. Meanwhile, the level of violence has been raised again, but because of the lousy effects, you can't really enjoy it. Overall, "Expendables 4" is a terrible and, above all, frustrating film that I cannot recommend to anyone.

Up front admission so you know where I'm coming from.. I have a high threshold for cheap / daft action films as my missus would confirm (if I had a £1 every time I heard "What on earth is this you watching" whilst I explain why she's being harsh on a Dolph Lundgren film because it was shot in two weeks for less than the catering budget of Bridgerton). At the end of a long day I like putting dumb action film on with a drink, I have seen most of the el cheapo Bruce Willis "acting via ear piece" films. In comparison to them however I feel like I've just rewarded the producers of this nonsense by handing over money for two tickets to see "Expend4bles" as the BBFC censorship card claimed it's official title to be.

Really not sure where to start but maybe the fact that I am reminded that the concept of Expendables was to bring together our favourite action stars for a swansong, 100 minutes of fun, yet Expend4bles decides to ignore this (Stallone and Lundgren have virtually few minutes screen time only) and leaves me only with a catch 22; we have the wonderful Iko Uwais and the amazing Tony Jaa (thumbs up to the pair for continuing to making us mortals feel inadequate by being physically awesome but also impressing with their crack at English adding speaking second language to their list) but then all that good will is totally undone by the acting void that is Megan Fox. For a series that prides itself on showcasing talent that their acting skill is secondary to everything else Fox manages to take home the least convincing, most cringe worthy award by a long stretch. Her character's introduction is jaw droppingly bad on the level of an Asylum production (Sharknado), when her second scene came around (which is the one in the trailer) I had to break my cinema golden rule and take a bog break just so I didn't have to watch the car crash any longer.

If I had to guess there was no real appetite to make a 4th film then all of a sudden producers found some money and production had a timeline; that's the only reason I can see an [allegedly] $100 million budget movie being this poorly written with such half assed digital work, it's further backed by director Scott Waugh who appeared to distance himself with the admission "I was blessed to have come on board the franchise four weeks before filming". Sorry but you're never going to get the best out of even the most veteran Director of you bring them on board weeks before filming.

Top 3 ridiculous moments 1) sneak attack in a helicopter in the opening. They must have created silencer technology to cover the blades and army of vehicles that followed it 2) Stallone being able to throw a 164kg Eddie "The Beast" Hall over a bar 3) 50 Cent distracting bad guys.... By playing a 50 Cent track. Guess it's as meta as the prior Expendables one liner call backs but made me laugh out loud nonetheless.

NB. There was a guy in our cinema who laughed at every moment anything happened.. Statham stabbed someone in the neck.. HA HA! Another ear joke.. HAHA! Someone's head explodes HAHA! There's at least one 10/10 imdb review heading online to even my thoughts out.

I just sit and imagine what you'd get out of Gareth Evans if you gave him $100 million and just Jaa and Uwais. Seriously I'm one of those action geeks that seriously thinks about just that....

Greetings, fellow cinephiles, action aficionados, and all seekers of thrilling adventures. I, Kiba Snowpaw, the lone alpha Ice Wolf from the icy realm of HowlStrom, have ventured into the realm of cinematic chaos known as "Expendables 4." Brace yourselves, my friends, for I shall embark on a frosty journey to dissect this chilling disappointment of a movie.

Introduction: The Ill-Fated Sequel

The year is 2023, and it appears that the cinematic powers that be decided to resurrect the "Expendables" franchise from its icy grave. But why? That's a question that haunts my furry, wolfish mind. "ExpendFOURbles" limped onto the silver screen with the grace of a three-legged polar bear – unsteady and destined to fall.

Basic Plot Summary: Frozen in Mediocrity

Once upon a time, "Expendables" was the epitome of action-packed nostalgia, a glorious parade of aging action heroes. But alas, those golden days are no more. The plot, if one can call it that, revolves around a ragtag bunch of mercenaries. Gone are the days of iconic action stars. Instead, we're served a lukewarm platter of newcomers, including the dubious talents of Megan Fox.

Analysis/Evaluation: Ice-Cold Reception

My icy heart aches as I recall the excruciating two hours spent watching this cinematic abomination. The film is like a ship lost in an arctic blizzard, with no direction, no purpose, and no soul. It attempts to reignite the nostalgia of its predecessors but ends up melting into a puddle of disappointment.

Characters: A Melting Pot of Mediocrity

In the icy wasteland of "ExpendFOURbles," even the characters couldn't muster a spark. With the absence of beloved action legends, we are left with a motley crew of forgettable faces. Megan Fox's presence is as welcome as a snowstorm in summer, and her acting talents, or lack thereof, do nothing to thaw the chill in the air.

Structure: A Frosty Disconnect

The film's structure is as disjointed as a shattered icicle. The action sequences lack the finesse and choreography of previous entries, leaving viewers yearning for the glory days when men were men and explosions were awe-inspiring.

Impact: A Frozen Wasteland of Nostalgia

"ExpendFOURbles" attempts to capture the magic of its predecessors but ends up feeling like a funeral for a once-great franchise. The impact it leaves is akin to frostbite – painful, numbing, and regrettable.

Hook and Thesis: Ice-Cold Disappointment

The film's hook is its very existence – a promise of action, nostalgia, and adrenaline. Alas, it delivers none of these things. Its thesis appears to be that even the most legendary franchises can wither away into cinematic oblivion.

Praise and Critique: A Blizzard of Blunders

It pains me to say that there's little praise to be had. The film's critique is a flurry of disappointment, with poorly edited action sequences, uninspired dialogue, and the unmistakable stench of mediocrity.

Evaluation: A Frostbitten Farewell

"Expendables 4" is a farewell to a franchise that should have remained in retirement. It lacks the heart, soul, and star power of its predecessors, leaving us with a lukewarm imitation of what once was. Save your time and your sanity, for this is a cinematic venture not worth undertaking.

Comparison and Conclusion: An Icy Demise

In the realm of action cinema, "ExpendFOURbles" stands as a cautionary tale. It's a stark reminder that even the mightiest franchises can crumble like glaciers in a warming world. I bid adieu to this ill-fated sequel, hoping that it will find its resting place in the icy annals of forgotten films.

And so, my fellow movie enthusiasts, heed my frosty warning – "Expendables 4" is a cinematic iceberg, a chilling reminder that legends should be left undisturbed. Stay warm, stay entertained, and may your movie choices be as captivating as the icy winds of HowlStrom.

There's a lot to talk about E4, and nothing is good. For starters, the movie is downtown bad. The idea of the Expendables by itself shouldn't have gone pass the second movie. The third one was already "one to much". This one is already in the "shouldn't have to be an idea of a movie even" territory.

The CGI was objectively terrible (like class B or even class C movie). The Expendables never shone for its storytelling or plot, but this one is oversimplistic, basic and stupid even ( i mean, having at least 3 original members from the Expendables team, and they "choose" the new leader to be a newcommer that not only we don't even see on screen fighting with the team, but we have to take word that "is the best choice"). The acting is less than mediocre (i guess that was a constant from the start, but in the first two i think it was a bit more "justified").

The main reason that Expendables was even a thing, was to put big names from action movies (some newer, some older) all together in a big action-without-sense story. We got not only Stallone, but Schwarzenegger, Willis, Van Damme and many more. Now we got 50-Cent and Megan Fox. Stallone barely appears in the movie (more like a cameo). Barely any returning members from the old movies (something i already hated from the second one and on: that they couldn't keep a steady cast). Hardly any blood and violence (two of the main things that at least the first one did alright). Megan Fox doesn't fit at all in the theme of the movie (i get women like Rounda Roussey, but Megan Fox? the most action she did was probably Transformers). She is just eye candy and the representation of women in this nonsense action flick.

The bad guys are unremarkable and generic. The main reason they "go to catch the bad guy", again, feels loose and unconnected since half of the team are new people that we don't even know and we have to trust that "they knew Barney well and want to avenge him". The first one gave a sense of "every person in the team has an especiallity": Christmas was knifes, Barney was fast shooter, Yin was the martial artist. Now they all blend together into a master-of-none forgettable soldiers. Some shots were really bad filmed and feel unconnected in the final reel. A couple of scenes were extremely stupid, even for Expendables standards ( like the one of Christmas riding the bike in the boat). And lastly, they are too old for this shit, AGAIN, even for Expendables standards. Even Jason Statham, who i think is the youngest, is getting too old to keep kicking ass like he used to.

This should be a clear BIG RED SIGN to stop this shit and put an end to it. The first one was ok; a bit of nostalgia and action unpacked was entertaining. The second one was an ok continuation and even that it didn't had the same magic, it delivered with extended participations of Arnold, Bruce and even Chuck Norris. But from that to what i watched today, there is a downgraded abyss beyond measure. It was ok while it lasted, now give it a proper rest and move on. I give it a 3 and i'm being generous as fuck

Expend4bles, the fourth installment in The Expendables franchise, delivers a mixed bag of action and nostalgia. While it tries to recapture the essence of its predecessors with its over-the-top action sequences and tongue-in-cheek humor, it falls short of the mark. The film suffers from a weakened ensemble cast, with most of the iconic '90s action stars absent. Stallone's diminished role leaves a noticeable void, and newcomers like Megan Fox and 50 Cent don't quite measure up. The lackluster graphics and forgettable plot are also noticeable drawbacks. However, it does maintain the franchise's mindless action charm, boasting some engaging fight scenes, moments of humor, decent pacing, and solid editing. Expend4bles might achieve its basic goal of mindless entertainment, but in comparison to its predecessors, it feels uninspired and somewhat unnecessary. It's a forgettable addition to a once-vibrant franchise.

Despite its shortcomings, Expend4bles still manages to scrape by with a C- (58%) rating. On a purely subjective note, it might warrant an even lower score, perhaps around 38%. Nevertheless, it deserves some credit for attempting to stick to the franchise's formula and not completely derailing. Ultimately, it's a reminder that sometimes the driving force behind such movies is more about financial gain than genuine storytelling. In the end, Expend4bles serves as a lukewarm chapter in the action-packed saga, making it a watchable but forgettable entry for fans of the genre.

The point is not that this is a bad movie. Ofcourse it is, it's the Expendables, so the badness is a given, and expected. The franchise is known for their over-the-top action scenes, tongue-in-cheek nods to 'real' action movies, and allround 'bro-ness' of the protagonists. You cannot fault the movie, cast or director for that. You can even forgive the regular crew (Statham, Lundgren, Stallone, etc) phoning this one in a bit. They are getting on in age for one, and they know what kind of movie this is having done it three times before. So all that is fine by me, and would make a mediocre but enjoyable action flick (see parts 1 to 3). But why for the love of Aisha did they cast Megan Fox? I mean, the scene where she walks on with her brights on is all fine and good, but after that her role is played out. She adds nothing to the procedings. Still, and this might be a controversial opinion, miles ahead of 50 cent though. He thankfully only has a handful of lines he has to mumble and stumble through, looking like a shell shocked marsupial, but even those are enough to cement him as the worst actor of the bunch.

Oh right, the story. There IS a story. Thin as it may be, and not much different from any of the last movies. Bad guy does bad thing, bro-brigade (augmented with Miss Useless and the marsupial) jump on a plane, and moments later things are exploding and on fire. There are some callbacks to the last movies but be honest: Who remembers those plots...

All in all: It's the worst of the series, adds little to nothing, and major swing-and-a-miss on casting. Skip unless you are completionist in your moviewatching.